The Random Adventures!

[Ricky_Honejasi]

So for now :

Everything except in Mark's post happened. Thus it includes Zilla, Bill, Mesk and Krazy's posts.

Ill see later on how Mark's post will translate into "reality".

[mark_009_vn]

Mark, while you can say pretty much all the actions you want, you might want to avoid making another player's character acts/reacts in some specific way. Often, it's preferable to let the player act/react like how he wants even if you have to make additional but smaller posts while waiting for his reaction in-between.

If you want to imply a reaction from another character, you can go something like "(Your char) believes he sees fear in (Other char)'s eyes" rather than "(Other char) fears (Your char)".

That said, Mesk can overwrite whatever reactions/actions of his character you just wrote.

Would be more helpful if you actually said that sooner.

Especially since I was referencing a scene from Gundam.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEXRMERdfA8

I'm accustomed to less strict RPs... So any more rules I have to follow?

Ill see later on how Mark's post will translate into "reality".

All depends on Mesk to give the go ahead, right?

09/13 05:59:51 definitelynotmesk: everything mark touches twists out of a shape that I can comprehend

<3 <3 <3

I'll be seeing you and your neko loli-kun later...

[Ricky_Honejasi]

Would be more helpful if you actually said that sooner.

It's because I consider it obvious and bad form to push actions/reactions on another player's character when it's said player that is supposed to decide them for his character (and any important secondary characters of his). Especially actions that can clash between players' wills.

I'm accustomed to less strict RPs... So any more rules I have to follow?

I don't think so. I tend to be fairly lax in addition of mostly expecting other players to overwrite/counter if something is wrong in their opinion.

[Ricky_Honejasi]

So I guess ill simplify mark's post the following way for the sake of continuing :

An unknown combat machine was flying at an extremely high speed towards the ASTROCOCK. The machine was colored as black as the dirtiest black oil you can find in Alberta. In addition, it's speed is unmatched as it went 3 times as fast as the Tonies, ASTROCOCK's fighters.

Said machine ... is a G.U.N.D.A.M., a formidable combat machine.

In the past, the G.U.N.D.A.M along with many other machines from planet Chair were stolen a black man. The KKK's archive stated that the interns they sent to reclaim them were all lost.

Said black man is Demon Lord of the Rounded Corner, the alias of the representative of the planet Chair.

...He is Chair Aznable... The Negro God of Edges most rounded!...



Thus now, the combat ensues between the G.U.N.D.A.M. and the ASTROCOCK.

Many Tonies fighters were launched from the ASTROCOCK but were no match to the G.U.N.D.A.M as they were easily dispatched by the G.U.N.D.A.M 's HYPER-WEAPON. A piercing black beam of death was simply enough.

The G.U.N.D.A.M now quickly points its HYPER-WEAPON at the ASTROCOCK and fires at it. However, it wasn't a beam intended to destroy the ASTROCOCK but instead a sophisticated teleporter beam to teleport Chair Aznable from his G.U.N.D.A.M into the ASTROCOCK's bridge.

Professor Snape along with his many loli catgirls are now in the immediate presence of the intruding Chair Aznable inside the ASTROCOCK's bridge.

What will the Professor Snape do against the intruder?

Note : This post all happened for reals.

[Mr.]

As I opened the door to the animal shop, I was confronted by a most grisly scene. On my left I found the shopkeeper, or, what remained of him. His lifeless body slumped over the desk, next to the cash register. The top of his skull had been blown open, its contents had spewed out of his head and covered the floors and walls in a putrid, crimson mess.

On my right I could see the empty husk of a man, propped up in a standing position by the mop in his hands. Any semblance of a soul had been long since sucked out of him. He had been left in that demeaning pose by whatever cruel forces had done this to him.

I took a step toward the counter.

"Careful." I turned to my right. The man on the mop slowly reached out his hand and made a faint pointing gesture toward the growing pool of blood in the center of the room. "Floor's wet there, watch your step," he mumbled. He put his hand back on the mop and began shuffling toward the mess.

I stepped slowly through the blood. I didn't need any of that splashing up on my pants. I avoided stepping on what I presumed to be the majority of the man's brain. I took a closer look at the body on the counter. This wasn't the first time I had seen this. No, this was a sight I was becoming all too familiar with. I knew immediately what had caused it, but I wanted to confirm it. I grabbed a plastic bag from behind the counter to use as a glove, and I grabbed the body's shoulder, and lifted. Sure enough, I found traces of sparkly glitter on the counter and on his clothes, where the blood hadn't soaked in yet.

Loli catgirls.

[IskatuMesk]

Professor Snape's nose twitched as a brief wisp of fried chicken passed his face. Before him stood an African American gentleman who had only a few moments prior parlayed with fibery remains of interns elsewhere.

Crew jumped to alert. Manly oil riggers hurled themselves from their chairs, nooses and chainsaws in hand. Lolis brandished firearms and other assorted armaments. But, with a wave of his hand, Snape stalled the would-be bloodbath. He reached into his shining black leather trenchcoat, complete with the menacing Macrohard logo stamped in crimson on the back, and drew forth a rod from its limitless depths. Gasps and hushed chatter flooded the air as the rod's enormous length emerged from the depths of his cloak, reaching no less than five feet in length.

The Hyperion Winged Rod, an artifact from an ancient civilization in an ancient time of ancient power. One of the many benefits of being the administrator of a capitalist corporation was strong Luck rolls on almost all loot recovery, and it just so happened that a baker's trunk offered Snape a 1 in a ten billion roll one summer's eve.

But Snape did not wield the wand so fiercely as such an entry may demand, he simply allowed his arm to rest easily at his side.

"Well, what do you want?" Snape questioned boringly.

[Ricky_Honejasi]

Meanwhile aboard the ASTROCOCK , in some air conductor big enough to fit a crawling person, there is somehow a creepy old thin man. He is watching in hiding what is happening in the bridge between Professor Snape and Chair Aznable and he is taking some photo shoots with his technological watch.

It simply makes no sense why or how he's there in the first place. It's only obvious that he is not that important in the grand scheme of all things.

[mark_009_vn]

Would be more helpful if you actually said that sooner.

It's because I consider it obvious and bad form to push actions/reactions on another player's character when it's said player that is supposed to decide them for his character (and any important secondary characters of his). Especially actions that can clash between players' wills.

I'm accustomed to less strict RPs... So any more rules I have to follow?

I don't think so. I tend to be fairly lax in addition of mostly expecting other players to overwrite/counter if something is wrong in their opinion.

Then I guest I'll have to say sorry for the mess I made... As you can see, I don't have a lot of sex-perience in all this RP thing...



---

Ricky's Edit : The first 80% of this post is skippable and put in spoilers. Just to avoid losing players for insanely long reads.

Spoiler

Chair Aznable shudders as he realizes what is going on. He is safely on board the ASTROCOCK, but he felt a presence of incomprehensible evil upon this ship...

Right now, Chair Aznable, also known as his disguise and alter-ego Quattro Vagina, lies in wait to recollect just what the fuck happened moments before... The secret identity of Chair Aznable, Quattro Vagina, is a cosplaying, cross-dressing glassed nigger panty-thief of a black man, a perfect facade for him to secretly serve the great steef, a man after God's own heart...

Legends have spoken of Quattro, for that for thousands of years people have come to believe that Quattro, he is a Chair. Indeed, Quattro is once a chair at the office, destined to be sit upon by hundreds of intern's unwashed ass for the rest of eternity... That is until one day, when Chair went three times faster than a Tony his existence was forever twisted. For no man, no chair has ever went faster than a Tony, not three times faster... Surely he has been possessed by a great evil that has squandered the lands ever since the birth of time: The legs of the Jay Wilson. And in that deciding moment, Chair croaked instantly much to Jay Wilson's dismay, and was reborn like a phoenix, transcending into a astounding black man forged from black oil.

He who is the second coming of the Jay Wilson, a Cyber Nigger-Tights embedded with Wilson's very thoughts and memories... He has sworn to the 42 Gods and Goddesses who have brought about Jay Wilson that one day, one holy day in God's name, he will use the lewd power of the ASTROCOCK's Apple produce to create the dream of the future, a vision like no other of an Activision Blizzard co-prosperity sphere... A world without tax and congressman, a world where capitalists can run free sucking the lard out of interns and gullible casuals, much to Iskatumesk's dismay...

In order to set this into motion, Quattro did tried to challenge the ASTROCOCK's defenses just moments before, but his attempt was shoe-horned by the menacing interference of Ricky Honejasi, the French man who leaps through time. For he who is the great descendant of a legendary hero Rick Flair, he can never allowed the ASTROCOCK to fall into the wrong hands...

Ricky Honejasi bent time and space around Chair during the battle against Professor Snape, forcing Chair's HYPER-WEAPON to turned into nothing more than a meager teleporter beam, which failed to pierce the heavens, hell, and the Void. Even his prized G.U.N.D.A.M. was turned it into nothing more than a cheap Chinese knock-off... too Chinese to be used...

The events at ASTROCOCK never had happened the ways it meant to be, and it never was...

Before Chair can continues his attempts to steal the ASTROCOCK, he must first find a way to rid of this abomination of France, either through the sharp end of a rusty shank, through pleading The Lardy One an offering of soul for protection, or simply to become the nigger who leaps through time himself, he must rid of this French man, one way or another...

For that, Chair first must returns to his home in Amerika () to visit his Waifu, for she has been festering a secret plan, a plan so manly, so daring, no man has ever thought of touching it with a 40 foot pole...

Chair's home in Amerika, a two floors apartment shaped like New Jersey city, is a peaceful place full of the occasional panty-thieves... It has been long since he last visited his Waifu in Amerika, so he is planning to give to her a gift, a casket of gasoline to arson the place...

But before he could set this plan to motion, standing in the front yard of his home in Amerika, he noticed a fine Tony docked neatly in his lawn. He remembered that the Ricky Honejasi also fielded Tonies, and it brings a chill down his tights.

“fufufufu... So you finally came”

The voice of a chaste evil came behind Chair, a wild loli cat girl appears, the creature, a neko loli-kun-tan-sama-san-midget-cum bucket-500 yen each, is the so called universe's master race...

"You can never defeat my oni-sama! My oni-sama will correct reality over and over again until you are nothing but a fine point!"

“Neko loli-kun-tan-sama-cum bucket-500 yen each, why do you think I'd be afraid of you?” - Chair asked.

“...fufu...”

But for Chair's innocence as a black negro god of war, he did not expect such great evil to be lurking inside the beast...



A HYPER-WEAPON emerges from the underbelly of the beast, a thick black rod of the ages forged from the panties that made up the ASTROCOCK. A rod so roddy, it requires Iskatumesk's goatee to guide it towards the heavens. Surely, such a devastating weapon has been sent here to put an end to this legendary nigger...

“IT'S A TRAP!” - Chair screams in his own mind.

Indeed. He has fallen into a trap, a devious trap, a trap loli's devious trap... For he to have left his guard down, he fears he is loosing his edge. His rounded edges...

But at that decisive moment, Chair suddenly realize the weakness of the loli catgirl, for even the dazzling French aliens has yet to fully perfect their greatest creation...

It's weakness is little sister eroge.

In a blink of an eye, Chair whips out a little sister eroge, shapes like a boomerang. He threw it across the atmosphere at speed so great, it's contact with the trap loli causes the dreaded Third Impact, the prophesied Awakening of the Third Steef...

But the battle has yet to be over, from the sky above Chair, a thousand Tonies descended down towards him in the shape of a tremendous, searing enema... Chair skillfully dodges this attack by executing a black flip into the COCK-pit of his I-pad V, a mobile suite Mac product suitable for use in casual situations...

Even though he is unscathed, now Chair is overwhelmed by a thousand neko loli-kun-tan-sama-san-midget-cum bucket-500 yen each that emerges from the Tonies. Chair has only one chance of executing a daring man-neuver that can save him now.

This man-neuver, which he practiced along with a hermit living on top of mount Suribachi, a panty-thief guru who taught him the secret ways of the American panty-thievery, is a man-neuver so secret, so dangerous and mystical, it was stowed away forever in ancient scrolls deep inside the gullet of Bill Ropar, never to be seen again.

...This choreographic dance have never once be attempted to be described by words, as words can never truly comprehend it's sheer inanity.



The Ipad V suddenly moves at hyperspeed, executing this motion at speed so great, God can never amasses enough anime directors to crafts this motion... And so all the mortal's eyes can see is a blur as the loli-catgirls been stripped of their magical undergarments... They all instantly croaked...

Unfortunately, this technique, even with it's power, still was not enough to truly defeat the loli catgirl army. From the pile of fermenting dead lolies that has now clogged his front yard, still three remains to Chair's dismay...

Their survival was easy to justify, as their leader, Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière, appears to have been trained the ways of Chris Metzen. For that she is the master of THE VOID, PROPHETCY, and dark, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK magic... Surely for a Billiard's intern to have been cooperating with the Ricky, he has vastly underestimated his connections.

But for all of Noboru Yamaguchi's top notch, quality Blizzard cliches to have fallen into Chair's ears, it was all a facade to hide an attempt to man handle Chair in the rear... A ominous loli silently approaches his mobile suite from the six o' COCKS position...

It is the Flame-Haired Blazing-Eyed Hunter, Shana, a flaming midget to end all flaming midget. To face this very day a flaming midget who have reached such notoriety all the way from No Man's Pants to Amerika, Chair felt very insecure from the waist down.

The midget did all a flaming midget ever did across the ages, she lid herself on fire with a casket of gasoline then charges towards Chair in a ball of fire... It is the Flaming Midget attack, the signature move that doomed the Pants Legion long, long ago...

But the flaming midget miscalculates, it accidentally tripped over cacti just moments before reaching Chair, instantly croaked... And so Chair's lawn was set on fire, and the sky turns manly hot pink by the effects of the Fuzetsu...

Seeing this opportunity, Chair again guides his eroge, shaped like a boomerang to strike at the Blizzard intern below so hard, it causes the Forth Impact, the Arrival of the Forth Steef...

And so Chair only have one more worry... But this one, the one final big bad that haunts the universe, is the magical girl founder of Ricky-ism of the third schism, a religion keen on achieving communism through instrumentality.

And so Chair was transported to a technicolor battlefield, filled with mind rape and lolipop. The magical girl, it's face reeks of evil suddenly grows wider.

It grows wider, wider, wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider....

It has grown so wide, it eclipsed the ever expanding horizon, for it is manifesting the horizon to itself, and feat of a Goddess no doubt...

The Goddess magical girl now the ever expanding horizon bend time and space around Chair, hoping to repeat the feat of the menacing Ricky Honejasi. Even with Chair's preparations, for he has prepared his anus all the way to Amerika, for he had jammed such an ass-cork so tightly in place, for which any attempts to handle his rear will return instant death to those who attempts it... Even such manly of a preparation was not enough to block the will of Ricky-ism...

The manly hot pink horizon explodes into feces, as reality was warped beyond repair, Chair has walked through time back to the ASTROCOCK, right the moment he teleported into it's bridge



The completely random and inane event above never did happened, it never did...



Chair, felt hopeless that he cannot stop the Ricky Honejasi, begrudgingly accepts the French man's demands... For he knows that reality will be bent again, again, and again, until it suit's this abomination of France's needs...

----------

"Well, what do you want?" Snape questioned boringly.

Seeing the sight of such roddy of a rod, a Hyperion Winged Rod, R.O.D. the TV, Chair was taken back by this display. But he knows that he cannot falter in the face of danger...

"I have come for your Apple produce... As I have sworn to the 42 Gods and Goddesses of space time that I will use it to revive the original Jay Wilson..."

Chair said confidently, as he summons his boomerang shaped eroge...

"You see... Your casual friendly mobile suite of a Apple product is equipped with the NTD program, Nigger-Tights-Destroy, with it, I can relocate Jay Wilson's spinning heads and use it to bring an end to all capitalism..."

"For I will create my own definition of capitalism..."

The moment Chair finishes his words, he corked his ass tightly with his boomerang shaped eroge, the eroge transformed into a holy ass cork of the ancients. It is so hard to operate this ass cork, it requires the blood of God to be spilled every breakfast...

"This eroge was given to me by the same 42 Gods and Goddesses who created Jay Wilson, with it for protection, your R.O.D. means nothing to me."

[Ricky_Honejasi]

Bill's and Mesk's posts truly happened.

Mark's post happened but with the following changes to Mark's post :

1) What Chair Aznable believes to be Ricky_Honejasi is simply the "French God" rather than "Ricky_Honejasi".
2) The French God might or might not exist!
3) What happened related to the French God directly or indirectly is all what Chair Aznable deeply believes to be the truth. However. he might have twisted it WAY too much in his deranged mind compared to what truly happened. Further events might reveal the real truth.

All that happened between Chair Aznable and Professor Snape truly happened (pretty much the last 20% of his post).

Note : Mark's latest long post only affected/concerned Professor Snape in some shape or another.

[Ricky_Honejasi]

ANIMAL SHOP (BILL)

Behind the door of animal shop on the outside, there is a shadowy figure that just vanished which Bill managed to have a quick glance. He noticed clearly a loli catgirl's tail as the figure makes a hasty escape from Bill's sight.

----

RED QUEEN UNIVERSITY (ZILLA)

Meanwhile, as Zilla tries to distribute his weed, he quickly hide his weed as Madam Windy passes through only to reveal it as soon he is safe from her.

Madam Windy is a teacher with lots of rumors surrounding her. While having a great smile and being gentle, she is rumored to be the one destroying the distribution of weed. Many rumors implies that she attacks crime organizations distributing weed during the night.

In fact, she has lost his son Henry to fatal weed addiction. A dramatic end. Thus, she drove to the highest mountain and climbed to the highest heights to see the only remaining stars that can be seen with all the smog from today's pollution.

On top of the mountain, Madam Windy swore she will bring utter destruction to all weed. She even cut her hair on that fateful day.

She has only burning eyes against weed and nothing else. She is even negligent to student killings occurring in the university in favor of all and any weed destruction.

After all, she is a kind teacher by day then she is a secret weed crime fighter by night. Other than countless rumors, nobody knows it's true except that she is ridiculously biased against weed.

In the latest TV news, a warehouse was burned down and when the police arrived, there were countless cases of weed burning. Those cases were obviously placed from the warehouse to make it obvious that the "hero" known as the "Weed Burner" passed through this building.

Unfortunately, Zilla's personal weed costs increased by 10% because of that. On the plus side, Zilla has never been caught by Madam Windy so far.

[IskatuMesk]

"Hmph," Professor Snape muttered softly. "A casual. Lost in the romance of a bygone era. Too fresh to see the world for what it truly is, too used to find a place amongst it."

Professor Snape gestured to the ASTROCOCK's tremendous main visor screen behind him. An oval display with large, gripping hands of metal on either side, gripping the edges of the display, as if to convey the sense of two hands expanding an ever widening horizon. Faces of people flashed by as it flickered between cameras in cities, streets, businesses and vehicles.

"Capitalism has been man's chosen God for thousands of years. The be all, end all. From step to step he has implanted the belief that it is the salvation he desires, the sole purpose to his existence. So willingly he throws himself to its baptism by coin that he has dug himself a shallow grave, still sticky with the remains of his forefathers. The God you seek is already alive. Its heart beats in each and every single pound of flesh in this soulless universe. And this?"

Snape rose the rod up to his eyes, studying it for a brief moment.

"This is a tool, like so many others. The lives of men, the ebb and flow of their wills and whim, like so many Chinese hands in an infinite production line. Apple, the very logo, the very idea, is the produce. Round your edges as vigorously and furious as you will, mister Chair, but you will not find what it is you seek. If you seek to create an avatar of the very element of Capitalism... you will need much more."

Snape gestured once more to the visor screen, which switched to a distant image of a massive crystal palace. Enormous, phallic spires rose from its glowing depths. No planets or stars could be determined in the background.

"The Crystal Dong Palace. The Third Steef's last wish was to be laid at rest to a monument of his eternal, penetrating power. And so, from whence forth, the lesser Steef's were born as a result of its sheer influence on mortalkind. This would be the first place to look. Alas, the Crystal Dong Palace is a nigh-impenetrable fortress of casualism that is fatal to most forms of life. To stand near its horrific light is to twist your mind beyond repair."

Snape huffed a sigh of disappointment. The displays flashed back to an overdrop of the Earth.

"I'm a businessman. You have no appointment, and my time is precious. Unless you have business to do, I must ask for you to leave."

[mark_009_vn]

"Indeed..."

"...Capitalism truly is man's greatest triumph... and the Crystal Dong Palace to be the very monument of humanity's achievement..."

"...But as your God, your Capitalism has become stagnant, his core rotten under his own power... Because for a power so great to exist... there are faults in his creation brought about by the Greater Gods to ensure his eventual death... Capitalism, the ever expanding market, he will eventually reach his critical mass then crumble under his own weight..."

"I will not allow Capitalism to leave man... And this is why I must slay him to reborn anew..."



"Indeed..."

"I am a casual, I am a mere shadow of the great Jay Wilson... I stood here firmly only to hide my worry of defeat..."

"But as I believe in the prosperity of Neo Capitalism... I will risk my own existence to obtain it..."



"...You have said that the very idea of Apple is the produce, and the very whims of chinamen behind the forge is the magnitude of it's power... Then so be it... I WILL become that very idea, that very produce... that very consciousness..."

"The idea of Apple, along with black oil and the capacity of The French God whom I plan to capture... It shall bring about the prophecy of times past... The true Jay Wilson will live again, and in that deciding moment, your Capitalism, he will be slayed forever... The only Capitalism to exist then is the very will of Jay Wilson, Neo Capitalism..."



"I AM THE SECOND COMING OF JAY WILSON...! AND YOU WILL YIELD TO ME...!!"



Chair Aznable has spoken firmly his own believes, the drive behind his very own existance...

The moment when he stood strong against the legion of the flat-chested, against the rod of mighty power, against his arch-nemesis... Chair knew that he has walked the right way despite the melodic taunts of Professor Snape, the only way to achieve his own destiny... Chair has challenged the ASTROCOCK, Chair has challenged The French God, he did it all simply to live this moment, this very moment when he felt alive...

He will go to battle to defeat his enemy, to fight a foe worthy to challenge him... He revered only this...


"I call God's very name... I plead his blood be spilled this breakfast... Lend me your power o holy one, protect me against the sinners that once tainted this land...!"

As he chants the holy choir, the Cruel Nigger's Thesis, the heavens splits open as God himself rose to protects him... An angel's mighty war staff decents down from that very same heaven, it's bright holy glow lid the blackened skin of the ASTROCOCK...

"...Bring me my wand for as I have left it with the holy one... Bring it back to me, angels of death... BRING BACK TO ME MY WAND...!"

The staff of such deity magnitude... It penetrates the ASTROCOCK so hard, not even a mark was made on the vessel, no damage was done to it's machinery... But for the ASTROCOCK to be touched by the relic, it was cursed with AIDS...

Chair grabs the giant, 8 foot long rod-like war staff with his hand when it descends right beside him... The staff, the war rod, emblazoned in man hot pink, is an INTELLIGENT DEVICE once use to cleanse the world of sinners.

...With the intelligent rod device for offense and the boomerang eroge ass-cork for defense, Chair leaps through the air, doing an excellently executed back flip has he activates the INTELLIGENT DEVICE. Hot steam drawn from the semen of ten thousand men flow out from the valve of the magnificent rod, covering Chair into a puff of smoke as he transforms into a negro alter-ego of Jay Wilson.

"A battle between rods and rods... A battle to our own roddy death it will be" - Chair spoke along with the voice of Jay Wilson, the combination of their voices as if tuned into once, making such a menacing melody...

"If you may... I shall make my first attack..!"

Dazzling hot pink glows outward as millions of runes written into ancient languages, all translated to "..fuk u all, lo..", emerges from the surrounding air...

"Starlight Breaker!"

For a black man to use Starlight Breaker... clearly no white man, no white devils can withstand it's offensive and offensively based nature...

Indeed, such tremendously camp power was released... A beam of holy hell pink death charges towards Professor Snape, willing to pierce the heavens, hell, and his anus... Chair releases this attack at dead close range, right inside the bridge of the ASTROCOCK... Even though no damage was done to the ship, as it is still squeaky clean like all Mac product, soon Chair will make his mark on it with Snape's blood... with VENGENCE.



What will Snape do?... Tune in next time for Interns Dynamics...

[Ricky_Honejasi]

With excitement of the latest events, the creepy old man in the ASTROCOCK's air conductor takes even more photos with his watch. However, he accidentally pushes the unexpectedly fragile wire fence down. It does make a loud noise as it reaches the bridge's floor. It exposes his potential position to both Professor Snape and Chair Aznable.

He currently attempt to "reverse-crawl" back to avoid being seen.

[IskatuMesk]

Professor Snape studies the movements and efforts of the invader. It was clear that from the start a peaceful, diplomatic solution could not be reached. Alas, the old fool in the vent beside him finally brought himself into the arena, and just at the right moment. With a flick of his massive wand, Professor Snape utters a single phrase, "Erectus Gigantus". The Old Man feels life anew in his libido, but far too much for him to control. The explosive erection propels him across the room - straight into Chair's incoming attack!

A brillaint rainbow light explodes from the two impacting each other, spraying puppies and Edwards in all directions. During this brief lull of silence, Professor Snape nods to a shadowy figure emerging from the other end of the room.

Sometimes, hard jobs need hard men...

[wibod]

Professor Snape studies the movements and efforts of the invader. It was clear that from the start a peaceful, diplomatic solution could not be reached. Alas, the old fool in the vent beside him finally brought himself into the arena, and just at the right moment. With a flick of his massive wand, Professor Snape utters a single phrase, "Erectus Gigantus". The Old Man feels life anew in his libido, but far too much for him to control. The explosive erection propels him across the room - straight into Chair's incoming attack!

A brillaint rainbow light explodes from the two impacting each other, spraying puppies and Edwards in all directions. During this brief lull of silence, Professor Snape nods to a shadowy figure emerging from the other end of the room.

Sometimes, hard jobs need hard men...

Darkness Soulicus Darksoul, great psyker of the Imperium of Metzen slowly emerges from the shadows and seductively lowers his exceedingly dark cowl formed from the souls of interns.

"Professor!" he shouts while rapidly looking around the room "I will capture these heretics and subject them to the rod!" as he produces many dice from the suspicious bulge in his pants.

"I WILL CAST A BINDING RITUAL!" he screams while frothing at the mouth and rolls 1d20. As it skitters across the floor a 12 appears as the dice impacts the side of the ASTROCOCK causing the ship to shudder violently. "SUCCESS SUCCESS" the psyker screams as warp energies coalesce around the intruders and bind them a little to firmly.

(I'll be doing rolls on all of my shit that involves magic because fuck you that's why. 1-5 is a critical success, 6-10 is a failure, 11-15 is a success and 16-20 is a critical failure. On failures and critical failures I'll be using this ( table with the first half being only fails and the entire table for critical fails.)