Jadefang wrote:
GENERAL REMARKS:
+ promising for a first intro-map, I would play on if more if offered
- you apparently put a lot of pressure upon your self in terms of publishing on a non existing deadline. Don't do that. I think that this has hurt your project, and might be the biggest risk for the rest of your campaign. Therefore I would suggest that you don't post a specific date, the campaign will be only ready when you are convinced that it is truely ready. Take your time.
Yes, maybe you have reason. I won't put a final deadline for the campaign.
Jadefang wrote:
STORY:
+ I like the twist between the General and Admiral McAllen
- there are some fairly obvious inspirations from other campagins here on CC, which may turn out to be unfounded, but that remains to be seen.
Hmmm... Perhaps you refer to the Blackwood's flight from the battlefield (which resembles the Asakiro's flight from Aiur, Vision of the Future 1). Well, I had to do so to make clear the enmity between Blackwood and Ledbetter (you will understand it better as you play the rest of the campaign).
However, if there is any other inspiration in another campaign, please, you tell me it and I'll try to modify it.
Jadefang wrote:
CINEMATIC IMPLEMENTATION:
- when the warning comes that the lines will be overrun, the first zerg wave has been smashed without any major losses. Text and state of the battle do not correlate
I imagine that you are referring to the first dialogue between McAllen and Gretskov. You see, there is not only a battle, but two battles in two platforms: the Ledbetter's platform and the McAllen's platform, in the other side of Tarsonis. This is supposed to happen in the McAllen's platform, so you don't worry about it.
Jadefang wrote:
MUSIC:
+ the music choices fitted well into the concept of the map and where enjoyable
= Your music is not public domain, and a SC map for download on CC does not qualify for fair use criteria. My personal bias is therefore, that I would never use anyting registered on copyright.gov without permission. The consequences could be so dire, and are not worth the benefit of uploading a map on CC. Therefore I limit my music to public domain, or self-compose (in future projects).
Then... Do I must to change the music? Damn it! Most of my work in the map was precisely in choosing and placing the music! Ufff... If I change the music, I also have to change the rest of the map (dialogues, timeline of the Zerg waves, etc.) Any idea for some music?
Jadefang wrote:
- The General's flag crusier roams over the battlefield entierly unchallanged by the zerg. This is illogical, it would be a prime target. Let it cloak out of the players view or something (let it fly within the range of an arbiter off the visable field)
You're right, but I have noticed that. You see, if I turn off the invincibility of the Endeavour, shortly after the destruction of the Confederate fleet the Zerg consider the Battlecruiser as a prime target, just as you say, and almost ALL the mutalisks attack the Endeavour. I must find a way to remedy this.
Jadefang wrote:
DIALOGUE:
+ the width of the dialouge fields was just right.
- When the General speaks, the word "transmission" appears with every post. That is not necessary, the idea is clear without that.
- put some space above and below the transmissions, so they don't stick to each other.
Agreed, I must fix it. And Ledbetters speech should NOT be bright green. It becomes very hard to read, especially when I've got a teal-coloured battlecruiser right in the middle of it.
Jadefang wrote:
In summary, I think you did do a decent job with the map. Don't be discouraged by the critique, this has some potential.
Thanks! Glad you liked it!
[imgwh 400x120]http://www.sigrealm.com/freesigs/178_Starcraft2MultSig.jpg[/imgwh]
): 
