Campaign Creations

I'll start a mafia.

High_Zealot wrote: Let us now go back to the asking of questions and discussions of questions and answers.

Here's a question Mesk,

What were the happiest years of your life and if you could change one thing in your life, would you and if yes what?

Same thing with the TOA answer, this is something I probably won't go into huge detail in the documentary in so I'll give you a more elaborate answer here instead.

The first question,

The happiest years of my life were probably circa 2002-2004. The reason for this is deep and convoluted, so I'll be hard pressed to make it coherent. There are many reasons, really.

The first reason is because I had dropped out of school only a few years before and I was in a vast stage of learning and growth. School had kept me down all my life, forced into a dormant shell and sleeping for all these years. Once I dropped out, which is the one thing I wish I could change is to drop out many years sooner, I entered a golden age where I could do and attempt to do anything I wanted.

I attempted 3d modeling, music composing, I started TOA's true rendition around this time, I was building the best of my mods, I had the will and focus to do whatever the hell I wanted. I was still young, so my mental disabilities had yet to fully manifest and completely cripple me. I dropped contact with everyone I once knew and entered total solitude immediately after I dropped out, vowing to never associate with society ever again. These were my golden years.

Fury OST - DET

But the golden years were very short and my brain damage manifested soon into them. I struggled to move forward past the foundations I had built. My music composition skills and 3d modeling never improved since then. I dropped the former and largely declined in my attempts to improve the latter. I am still scarcely an entry-level modeler at best despite nearly 10 years experience.

Also during this time I had absolutely no knowledge of what I was - a mistake of nature, to put it bluntly. I had no knowledge that I had no future, nor did I care about the future. I was still producing MFTG webshows and I still had my family (my dog). I still lived at the old house, and thus had no feelings of homesickness like I do now, even four years after moving. One of the worst things that can happen to someone like me is a massive environmental change, and that's exactly what happened. Clockwork is what it was.

During these years I attempted a billion and one things, trying to find my place in the modding world. Half life 2 modding/mapping, homeworld 2, Warcraft 3, and of course I was steadily fighting against my waning sanity to produce Starcraft mods. The worst part of these years was that I was still obsessed with the concept of hype and public image. But this was an important lesson to me that I'll carry to my grave that has helped me immensely since then:

The first rule about modding is you don't talk about your mod.

Since then I have kept almost everything I do completely private, except in specific circumstances like when I kept AO's development open for other modders, and when I am documenting big 2042 stuff for Ricky/DoW/Wibod/HKS/The AoW2 community. There were dozens of wc3 projects I made small or marginal progress on and never talked about (one of them being the three ET attempts which I started posting about for the conceptual 2042 RPG GEC in my subforum). I think that lesson was one of the most important things I learned in my golden years. It was the toughest, most painful lesson I've ever been taught, because I fucked up a lot and made myself look like an idiot for years. Not to mention that I constantly depended on the vain concept that someone would help me (I had offers from people like AlfredX from Wc3Campaigns/hiveworkshop to help with modeling but they were all useless cocksuckers who jumped ship as soon as you gave them something to do). So, I learned that those communities are terrible. I learned that the only person you can truly depend on is yourself. That said over the years I met a few people that I could genuinely depend on. I can't always say the same about myself, though. I've always strived to do something I said I'd do, even if it takes an unexpectedly long time. Almost all of my efforts spent on other people have been wasted completely, though. Tons of voice acting, modwork, custom graphics even, almost all of it is totally for nothing. The ONLY PROJECT to EVER be released that I did work for was VE, and I did a bit of AI work for Dominion War back in the day. Everything else was a waste. I learned to not work for other people, ever, unless I'm getting something worthwhile in return. Then, at least if my work is wasted, I've gotten something out of it besides regret.

Everything post 2007 has been a steady decline and 2010 will probably be the worst year of my life yet. Unless I can finish 2042 or start writing again. I don't know if I can do that kind of stuff anymore.

/e I just realized I can't actually remember what year we moved/my dog was put down. Wow... how much of a mess my memory has become.