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I wouldn't be posting this here if I didn't confide in you guys. I would have left a long time ago.

IskatuMesk wrote: BC.

And your name is Will?

wat

no my name is unique enough that if I told you, I'd risk being discovered

IskatuMesk wrote: Negi >

I take Ativan for anxiety. It does nothing.

Genetic damage = hereditary disorders + parents who substance abuse while pregnant, of which I have suffered from both.

Desler > 5 HTP is the herb I massively overdosed on a few days ago and previously took in regular quantities. It also does nothing, not even when you take 40 capsules that burn the living fuck out of your stomach and cause considerable pain.

Well read through the 3 pages of information it has for anxiety.  5-HTP is just the first one listed there.  I think there are about 20 or so different things you could try on that page.

IskatuMesk wrote: wat

no my name is unique enough that if I told you, I'd risk being discovered

Please don't tell me you live in Vancouver.

Negi wrote: @Mesk: You don't have genetic damage.  You don't know what you're talking about.  It's very probable that you do have adhd, and I would suggest trying those drugs again.

I don't know about genetic damage. To be honest, I've never heard of it aside from the effects of radiation and extreme substance/tobacco abuse.

ADHD is a very common 'ailment', I work with people who suffer from it, and I guess it does sound probable Mesk is suffering from it. Then again, so does any other diagnose.

What I do believe ultimately, though, is that isolation is detrimental to any person, regardless of their medical history. If you have nothing else to think about than your own sad situation, things are never going to look up. This is not directed at Mesk any more than at any of God's beautiful children.

Just thought this was important enough to step out of lurker-mode

Iskatumesk, you probably know this, but have you tried to cut off gluten, meaning food made of grain. It's not proven and is controversial, but I have read that about one out of four people with schizophrenia react with lesser symptoms when they go on a gluten-free diet.

Also, there are people in the health-care business that really should not be there. If your unhappy or feel your not taken serious enough, switch doctor (if that is possible in your country).

And at last, don't give up! This might seem like the general obligatoric pep-talk, but there are plenty of cases where people get well (contrary to popular belief, about two of three people get better as time goes). I myself is one of those cases. Schizoid family traits (my mother almost never gets out of the house, if not dragged out by my father), birth complications, bad childhood, diagnosed schizophrenia at age 17, and so on. Yet here I am, and the last three years have been bliss.

Point is, no one knows what the future might hold. Your brain still might contain the possibility to be happy and productive.

I agree with the gluten thing.  It's a big change to your diet, but it could help significantly with the brain fog issue.

Now you all got me curious about doing it.

Xel > Abbotsford, Vancouver is about an hour's drive away (worlds away for me, have only been there twice, it's a dump/ghetto).

Gluten - Now I'm kind of stupid/ignorant when it comes to food compositions but I don't eat bread or anything like that. My diet has changed dramatically in random directions over the years, and the anxiety attacks occur regardless of if I eat or not (often I've gone for weeks without eating or eating single foods or even sleeping, just because I too mentally conflicted to think about eating or care about eating), so I am not sure about that. I have heard about this idea before though.

BZ> I call it genetic damage because it's traits that both descend from my bloodline (aka things aren't showing up just out of chemical imbalances) and because I was brain damaged by my parents being substance abusers. I'm only one step above being totally flat out retarded.

You should ask Matt to set you up a meeting with Vector-Zero. Both of you sound exactly the same.

Did you at least come for the Olympics? You could have even asked Matt or myself if you didn't want to get lost.

I didn't even realize the Olympics has passed until the final day. Why is it losing popularity, no one's talking about it. I had more excitement about it before it began than while it was occurring. Mostly thanks to Colbert Report.

Don't have any interest in sports (except for ESPORTS LOL STARCRAFT), so no, didn't care about Olympics. No way I could have gone there anyway since I don't have a car/license.

Lavarinth wrote: I didn't even realize the Olympics has passed until the final day. Why is it losing popularity, no one's talking about it. I had more excitement about it before it began than while it was occurring. Mostly thanks to Colbert Report.

There's a different level of interest attributed to the Winter Olympics versus the Summer Olympics. Generally, more countries participate in the summer variation as opposed to the winter one based partially on the popularity of winter sports in each respective country, and a variety of other factors.

Then again the United States, Canada, Germany, Britain, Norway, etc... All participate rather handedly with a variety of other countries. I was surprised you hadn't really seen nor heard much about it when I was bringing it out in our conversations. Although I'm also fairly uncertain as to whether or not you really keep up on news, sports in specific, if it doesn't have to do with... like... betting on football.

IskatuMesk wrote: Don't have any interest in sports (except for ESPORTS LOL STARCRAFT), so no, didn't care about Olympics. No way I could have gone there anyway since I don't have a car/license.

I'm sure there were greyhounds and what not that offered to bus groups of people willing to sign up for Vancouver daily due to the Olympics, probably with a package deal too.

And really, are you actually assuming the reason to go was for the sports? There was literally no condoms for like 3 days and they had to emergency ship them.