Loladins of Legend

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Loladins of Legend

Post by IskatuMesk » Sat Aug 19, 2006 4:49 pm

Loladins of Legend

An extensive guide to the Universe, the Story, the People, and the AoS/Survival maps based off of them. To be updated over time.

Those who have access to the LoL AoS already know what it is and the very basics. Therefore, the intended features and stuff I'll skip posting right now. Instead I'll move on to more important things.

Good Versus Evil -
A classic battle of knights in shining armor and demons with burning pitch forks, twisted to ridiculous levels of inanity.

Loladins of Legend is an extension of the MFTG universe. As a result, it contains elements which may be offensive to younger or sensitive viewers. User castration is advised. All references to events, peoples, places, or objects of intellectucal property are entirely intentional. In no way should any possible references or terms be taken seriously. The views of the writing of this article and the projects associated with it do not represent my personal views. Take all things in moderation. Or don't, and explode into a pile of molten feces.
Touch my penis. Go on. Touch it!

Loladins of Legend is comprised of two very basic powers. First, there's the righteous Loladins, comparable to ancient paladins or crusaders or popes with very large hammers, the Loladins strive to preserve all that is good in the world, and protect Modern Earth from the Forces of Evil.

Incidentally, on the opposing spectrum, there's the Forces of Evil, a huge multi-culteral army comprised of everything from Ghetto-dwellers to massive demon dragons. The Forces of Evil strive to basically either freeze everything in miles of ice or light everything on fire. They have many possible ways to do this, although the Loladins stand against them at every turn.

The Battlefields

The current year is 2042.

The Earth

The universe revolves around the Earth. The modern world is considered flat. This is because the only inhabitable side of the earth happens to be exactly 4.5/8 of the planet. This is considered the one half of the planet. The other half few living men would dare venture into. The modern Earth is almost always bright and happy and full of goodness. The other side of the world, seperated from the good side by impassible mountain ranges and giant mutant cucumbers, is a frozen wasteland filled with evilness that are likely to rape you at first sight.

The edge of Goodness, or the ranges between the two sides, are considered neutral zones - often referred to as "The Ghost Range." Few living men go near the Ghost Ranges, for they are often just as dangerous as THE OTHER SIDE.

Beneath the soft, squishy surface of the Earth, there lies the Underworld. The underworld is a massive underground kingdom ruled by the three Demon Lords of Fire; Lord Jordan, Lord Mal`Gammagon, and Lord Bill. More on these fellows later. The Underworld is a ruineous landscape filled with molten rock, fire, and ash. Often brave adventurers get the bright idea to try to brave the underworld's challenges, but never come back alive. Never. Entrences to and from the Underworld extend to both reaches of the world, and are often used as routes used by travelling salesmen and demons. Gateways on the Good side of the planet are constantly watched over by lazy Loladins who eat doughnuts.

Beneath the Underworld is the FurtherUnderWorld, also known as The Center of the Earth. This is an even hotter slagpit connected to the Underworld by the only working elevator in existence. Trust me, the Loladins and humanity have spent DECADES trying to figure out why their elevators keep breaking down, but inevitably gave up on the concept and settled for escalators. It is thought that the giant elevator is guarded by a 42-headed dog, named Lollerbrus. It is thought that for every head Lollerbrus has, he has eaten a Loladin. He stopped at 42 for obvious reasons, and this gave him his name. Why 42 Loladins even attempted to go down the elevator to microsoft is unknown, and it's likely no one mourned their loss.

The Good side of the world is called Earth, while the darker side is often referred to as "The Cold Place". Every so often (usually 100-1000 years), the Sun moves in to block the light from the moon, creating a massive lunar eclipse that creates an event referred to as "Winter". Winter is greatly feared, because it is most often during Winter that Evil is most active.

The human capitol is Lolimpius, a floating city that hovers around 200 meters off the ground, surrounded by an even larger castle-fortess called Lome. This huge monument is the largest and most significant bastion of goodness in the universe. Lolimpius is shaped like a giant holy battle hammer and is many hundreds of miles in diameter. It is defended by an extensive Knight's Guild, hearty peasants, and the Loladins.

Surrounding Lome is various farms and assorted castles connected to a sophisticated network of communication called the Interweb. The internet, the Interweb's previous incarnation, was crashed in 1969 by an atomic bomb that EMP'd the entire system. Since then, the Loladins have been forced to use cotton strings to transmit the Interweb's various pulses of information across the Modern Earth. Such a process makes downloading pornography very difficult, as the maximum speed you can achieve on a cotton string is apparently apalling.

In 1942 the sun travelled over Modern Earth and sparked much fear and panic, for worry of another huge demon invasion (the largest was in 0042), but soon the sun disappeared and a single demon was reported to "kill himself laughing" at the gates of Lolimpius. 

The Sun

The Sun is a frozen wasteland, supposedly capable of bending time around itself. It's here that the head of all evil, the God of Doom, lies in dormant slumber, awaiting to be reborn. The Sun is so cold, so barren, that no mere man can set foot upon its surface without instantly being turned into a frozen twinkie. The Sun is permanently scarred by the creation of the Seven Demon Lords, of which the God of Doom commands regularily to perform evil tasks, such as force the world to watch american television.

In 1469 the Loladins laid siege to a chunk of ice floating around the sun to destroy a transmission facility responsible for broadcasting "American Idol", one of the many weapons deployed by Lord Dread. Unfortunately, Lord Dread reconstructed the facility in 1642, deep within the surface of a massive frozen fortress, and was reported to "moon" the Earth from many lightyears away as the Loladins were incapable of destroying this new facility.

The Seven Demon Lords

Lord Dread

Lord Dread is a massive bone dragon that controls the surface world of the Sun. The frozen world has given him a rather nasty outlook on life, as well as giving him a massive range of resources with which to plot and scheme with.

Lord Isador

Lord Isador, or the Lord of Shadows, lives on another world, Mars, which is red and burning and quite evil. Isador commands a massive army called the Isadorian Legion, although many argue the true name of his legion is the Carebear Legion, due to their extremely unsafe and often unfair methods of dealing with mortals. The Isadorians are reptilian and have an unsatiable lust for blood, supposedly brought on by Isador's visit to a dating agency.

Lord Bill

Lord Bill is a giant Emu whom of which lives for one reason, and one reason only - to steal pie. That's right. The life essence of the Loladins is constantly in jepordy of this oversized Emu. Bill's position can never be pinpointed, for he constantly evades survey and media interviews. The lengths that Bill will go to to steal pie are endless and increasingly twisted.

Lord Jordan


Lord Mal`Gammagon

It is said that this massive burning dragon-thing is the King of the Underworld, and that he exists purely to sit upon his massive burning throne and light people on fire. Pleasant guy.


Lord Death carries around a huge scythe and hits people with it, cackling madly as he does so. His origins, or reason for why he's such a bully, are unknown.

Lord C'Ten GalaxyDrake

C'Ten is a completely original creation, at least according to his court statements. This draconic, robotic, and insectoid manifestation is thought to be responsible for the mass suicides and irritated sleeping of colonists who drift too far to the Ghost Range, where he lurks.

Amongst the seven Demon Lords are an infinite number of lesser evils that the God of Doom or his servants can call upon.

The Moon

The Moon is made out of glowing cheese and provides warmth and life for the Earth. The moon constantly shines on Modern Earth and never moves to intercept the dreary Cold Place for fear of being blown out of the sky by a huge slingshot. On the Moon a huge underground Loladin fortress provides maintenance and service for the Lolhammer, the Loladin Command Ship. It is also speculated that the Loladins have a massive Holy Laser situated on the moon, to one day use to blast the Sun to tiny pieces, although constant problems with lackies have continually delayed its developement.

The Moon has never been attacked by the Forces of Evil, for the only way to safely approach it is onboard the Lolhammer itself.

The Lolhammer

A city-sized battlecruiser in the shape of a giant warhammer. The Lolhammer is used to ferry Loladin forces to where ever they may be called, and is capable of fighting most Demon artifacts without worry. Unfortunately, since Loladin elevators are cursed, the only transportation throughout the vessel is escalators, making it extremely time-consuming and often devastating to get from the bridge to the rest rooms.


Pluto is a giant demon space cannon often used to take pot shots at the Lolhammer. Pluto is where the God of Doom was defeated by Sir Lol in a game of chess, which incidentally killed him and forced him into his current state, in 042. It's common knowledge that anyone who gets close to Pluto is likely to get shot by a giant laser and melt in an extremely horrible and painful fashion.

Pluto constantly moves around in an effort to track any possible targets on Earth or the moon, and lately has become increasingly aggressive.

The Mars Battle Station

Between the Earth and the freezing wasteland known as the Sun is the hottest place in the known universe - Mars. At first glance, Mars appears as a massive red fireball, but it is in fact an extremely heavily fortified Bloodstone mine that has been converted into a space fortress by the demonic Isadorians. The Bloodstone mine, the only known source of the precious element, is covered in massive refineries and battlements hardened by thousands of years of service.

Deep in the fortress lies yet another horror - a large shipyard, used to construct the greatest war machine of all time - the Sewpah Battal Croozah.

The Sewpah Battal Croozah is designed to be able to assault the Lolhammer or Earth from any possible distance or angle with its ingenius "Mega Nuke Cannon" that super-accelerates atomic energy to ridiculous speeds. The construction of this vessel has remained secret for many hundreds of years, although someone seemed to have spilled the can of beans on the hood, and the Loladins discovered its existence.

Even then, the Isadorians remain confident in their burning fortress, devouring twinkies by the trillions every day to celebrate their prosperity and strength.

Major LoL historic Events

000 - Dawn of recorded time. Sir Lol is born from a shooting star that crashes into a nursery and kills hundreds. He is deemed a holy saint.

024 - Sir Lol is deemed King of Modern Earth due to his righteous exploits and the uniting of the eight nations of humanity. He seeks to expand his kingdom to the other side of the world.

030 - The first sign of Evil. Sir Lol's expedition forces cannot cross what is then called the Circle of Giants, and is now known as the Ghost Range. Only possible way to the other side of the world is through a huge river that travels across the Ghost Range. This expedition is obliterated by an Undead fleet of warships that had been amassing for an attack.

033 - Forces of Evil launch a large fleet of skeletal warships across the Path of Sorrows, the river in which their first encounter had taken place. The aftermath is devastating.

034 - The Knight's Guild is founded, humanity's first united army. The Knight's Guild marches to counter a demon landing party close to the Circle of Giants.

035 - The Knight's Guild crushes the demons in early spring. The pilgrims celebrate by drinking lots of wine.

036 - Sir Lol founds the Loladins. Only Seven Knights are worthy enough to be crowned as Loladins, righteous protectors and generals. Loladins have to undertake grueling chess championships to be eligeable to become a Loladin. Each of the Seven Knight's finalles take no less than 2 weeks a game, without rest, to beat their advesary.

037 - Evil is spotted once more. This time a second fleet approaches from the southern Path of Sorrow, and a massive cave forms in the north, spewing even more of the demons. The Knight's Guild races to intercept the both of them as they rape and ravage and pillage and burn and destroy and plunder and get wasted.

038 - Even more demons are spotted from additional underground passages. The Knight's Guild destroys the southern landing but has to retreat back. Lome is already being marched on by a LOL BACKDOOR.

039 - Lome is barely saved as the Knight's Guild and the eight Loladins destroy the demons just as they break down the city walls. Preparations are made for the onslaught that awaits them from the north, west, and east. The pilgrims celebrate their victory by drinking even more wine.

040 -

An enormous demon army under leadership of the Anti-Christ, Richard Simmons, spends weeks to construct a massive burning pentagram out of the bodies of fallen humans. Soon after the altar is lit aflame, the avatar of what is now known to be the God of Doom is summoned and makes the following announcement.

"Ye shalt burn."

Then, the Avatar disappears, and the armies attacked. Lome is sieged for 42 days and 42 nights before the demon forces manage to break inside. Sir Lol and his trusty Loladins organize their forces to the floating city of Lolimpius for their final stand.

041 - Just as the demons prepare to lay siege at the end of winter, Sir Lol recieves a blessing from God himself. Out of nothing but a freshly baked pie springs a massive, brightly-adorned pony, no smaller than a cathedral! The mighty Pony is joined by five others and rush to face the approaching demon hordes. These divine beings prove unstoppable and completely destroy the first offensive.

The second offensive is joined by royal servants of death itself, great burning dragons that fly without flesh nor muscle, descending into the city and lighting shit on fire. The ponies and the shadow dragons engage in an immortal conflict as the Knight's Guild and the Loladins face off in an epic struggle for survival.

The strength of the Ponies and the extremely organized human defenses prove to be too much for the demon army and force it back a second time. What is to come after is a grueling siege as the demons lob giant blocks of hardened cheese, which rot in the heat of summer

At the dead of winter, the armies reach a stalemate in the ruined city of Lome. An epic duel between Richard Simmons and Sir Lol takes place as the two battle-weary armies watch on. The two leaders go head-to-head in a chess match that lasts nearly a month. Sir Lol comes out victorious, immediately causing the attacking demon armies to explode into molten feces.

042 -

Just as the peasants begin rebuilding their beloved city and removing endless tons of feces from their streets, yet another demon army approaches. This time they come from the sky, in a huge battleship comprised of shining red metal. Sir Lol somehow transforms the Loladin headquarters into a Giant Robot and intercepts the battlecruiser. It was a trick, however, to lure the Loladins into the cold, pink reaches of Space.

Sir Lol and his most trusted knights and Loladins chase the battlecruiser for weeks through giant chunks of cheese, tofu, and old newspapers, always one step behind the demon machine. Then, suddenly, Sir Lol's forces are one day surrounded by a fleet of these machines, and a giant laser gun - Pluto.

The battle was nothing short of a blockbuster epic. The Giant Robot was mighty, but after continual verbal attacks and several lawsuits and even a divorce hearing, Sir Lol realized he was outgunned, outmanned, and out of coffee. He had only one chance left - he challenged the leader of the demon forces to a duel.

Out of the sweeping darkness came the greatest of all evil, a dragon so massive and so evil that his very presence could twist the minds of those around him. During the short period of a stalemate, Sir Lol's most trusted ally, Sir Jordan, turned on Good. Jordan ransacked the twinkie factory aboard the Giant Robot and set explosive devices throughout the machine's weapon systems, then made a daring ape escape out of a cannon. Since then he has been forever feared and hated for the sheer amount of twinkies he had stolen, of which he gave to the demons as proof of his allegience.

The God of Doom was no rookie in the art of Chess. Their battle lasted for months and months, two divine minds set against each other on an equal playing field. Then, by a stroke of sheer luck, Lord Doom overlooked a slight error in his strategy, and Sir Lol captured his king with his pawn. By the laws of the universe, it sealed the God of Doom in a tomb of ice until the day he could drink the blood of pure righteousness, and the demon ships exploded. Pluto, however, did not explode. It was not under Doom's direct control. Instead, it began powering up a giant MEGA LAZER pointed straight at the defenseless Giant Robot. With little time to spare, Sir Lol summoned a miracle and detonated the Giant Robot's engine systems, nudging it out of the way of the giant laser beam which flailed into the distance to claim Mexico in burning hellfire.

The journey back home was painful, slow, and involving blowing up a lot of parts, while dodging huge laser beams that always found something to hit.
Last edited by Anonymous on Fri Aug 25, 2006 1:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by IskatuMesk » Fri Aug 25, 2006 12:20 pm

043 -

Sir Lol arrives home. The pilgrims celebrate by drinking so much wine they forget about cleaning up the city. Therefore, the feces that still remains on the city streets freezes and makes trafficing extremely difficult.

069 -

No signs of Evil. The Loladins are now 69 members strong. Lome and Lolimpius are rebuilt. The city's supplies of twinkies is finally reaching average levels. Sir Lol scoffs at the distant Jordan for his betrayal.

100 -

Sir Lol is immortal. However, most humans are not. To help preserve the strength of the Loladins, all Loladins, current and new, undergo a ritual involving capturing a giant mutant cucumber from the ghost range and using its strange power to render themselves immortal. Such a task must be completed by the Loladin himself within the span of one day, in addition to the Chess challenge. Unfortunately the immortality only renders them immune to aging, and several die to the greivious wounds of their battles.

125 -

Demons begin reappearing, mostly near the underground gateways. Most of them just run around raping farm girls and setting shit on fire. Sir Lol assigns the pilgrims to build castles near each of the gateways to moniter demon activity and prevent them from blowing everything up.

142 -

Fear ripples through the peasants, as it is 100 years since their epic battles against Evil. The freezing sun passes over the Earth for the first time, blanketing modern earth in winter, creating massive panic. Demons spew forth from the gateways and attack the castles. Several castles fall into demon control, while others repel the attack. Demons inside captured castles "turtle" and build as many towers as possible before the Knights arrive. Winter lasts five months.

150 -

All but one castle is reclaimed. The northern stronghold of Pineulus is so well towered up that the Knight's guild is forced to invent siege weapons and crush the demons in a shower of house-sized rocks.

200 -

Peace and prosperity. The Knight's guild becomes larger by the year and takes into itself to fortify Lome for the years to come.

420 -

The Lolhammer is constructed. At the time of its christening, the sun passes over the moon and sparks another winter. No demons attack. However, the lunar eclipse lasts nearly a year, preventing the Lolhammer from entering space for that time, and destroying many crops.

424 -

The Lolhammer lands on the moon, and discovers an ancient city called Atlantis. Atlantis resembles a giant underground crack house. The Loladins revamp it into a state-of-the-art communications center complete with a shipyard to service the Lolhammer.

Unknown to the Loladins, around the same time, the seven Demon Lords, also referred to as Demon Kings, have been created. They descent upon their appropriate kingdoms as appointed by the spirit of the god of Doom and begin scheming and plotting.

450 -

Lord Bill sneaks into Lolimpius and steals 42 pies. The city is shocked at the sudden, mysterious disappearance of the holy relics. The Knight's Guild begins questioning random peasants, but gets no where. Lord Bill continues to steal pies at random intervals and is never caught. The odd time a peasant catches a glimpse of a giant, fleeting Emu running off with pies, but he is never truly identified.

690 -

A giant laser randomly shoots into southern Modern Earth and kills thousands and sets shit on fire. Peasants and Loladins alike are confused where this laser came from, and many conclude that it must have somehow come from Pluto. The Lolhammer is stationed in space to moniter the activity of many hundreds of random laser blasts that rain down on the polar system.

700 -

Sir Lol invents the Battle Laser Cannon for the Lolhammer and attatches several of the massive weapons to the ship. He plans action to attack Pluto in an effort to prevent it from somehow blowing up everything.

710 -

Ten years of searching and Pluto cannot be found. The rain of lasers ceases. Sir Lol is forced to return home due to dangerously low coffee supply.

742 -

An african american by the name of Bubba approaches Lome. Since most humans are white, black people come off as very strange to them. There is much confusion. Bubba claims that he is from the future, and has come back to prevent his family from getting killed by george washington. Humanity is even more confused, now. Sir Lol senses a plot behind this visit. Suddenly, geurilla warriors, Black Man Gunfighters, emerge from no where and begin capping asses. Hundreds die before the onslaught of AK-47's. The black men disappear in a puff of smoke, leaving only death in their wake. Bubba swears allegience to the dark side and vanishes from thin air.

769 -

A Mexican by the name of Howard approaches Lome. With memories of foreign assailents still fresh in their minds, the peasants brutally slaughter Howard in a hail of pitch forks.

800 -

The Loladins discover China, a large underground city of slant-eyed farm folk that spend most of their days mining deep ore in dangerous regions of the mountains. A trade agreement is signed. The Chinese give the peasants some of their ore every year, and the peasants give them bits of bread. The pilgrims celebrate their new allies by drinking insane amounts of wine. Many die due to alcohol poisoning. The chinese ^_____^;; at the sight of this strange ritual.

842 -

A Scorpy appears. The peasants hesitate, but only for a moment. The scorpy ravages many with his grabby hands before he falls victim to pitch forks.

Lord Bill steals a record of 137 pies in one night.

900 -

A giant burning red orb in the sky, which has been there for many hundreds of years, begins to burn even brighter, raising suspicioun, question, and panic.

912 -

The orb burns even brighter, enough to coat Modern Earth in a red glow. Sir Lol commissions a crew for the Lolhammer to investigate.

913 -

Upon arrival, Sir Lol discovers a massive demon fleet in preparation. Unlike the previous demons he had encountered, these reptilian warriors were extremely advanced and well-organized. They bear the banner of Lord Isador, a three-headed serpent twisting around a burning cross. Sir Lol retreats to the moon.

914 -

A small party of demon ships descends into the Earth and begins bombing stuff. The Lolhammer quickly intercepts them and guns them down, raining countless tons of molten wreckage onto pedestrians. Thousands die. The pilgrims celebrate by drinking so much wine that the Lome population takes a 25% dip. Sir Lol invents a new law that prevents a peasant from drinking three caskets of 15% in one sitting.

915 -

Sir Lol builds a giant laser gun on the Moon that automatically shoots down any enemy ships within range. Shortly after, an Isadorian expedition scouted the moon and got completely owned. Since then no Isadorian ships approach neither that side of the earth nor the moon.

942 -

All is well.

1000 -

The pigrims celebrate by drinking non-alcoholic beverages. Mostly water.

1042 -

The sun moves to block out the light of the moon. Sir Lol's giant laser cannon somehow explodes for no apparent reason. Demons emerge from the gateways and lay siege to castles. A thunderous drum echoes through the land. Peasants flee, militias are formed, and the Knight's Guild marches.

No large, organized army had formed, though. Most of the castles remained standing, while others turned into locations for huge tower rushing fests and were eventually retaken. Winter lasts two months.

Sir Lol breathes a sigh of relief.

1169 -

For over a thousand years no demons had appeared. Many speculated that while some larger power was still in action, the defeat of Doom sent shockwaves through the demon ranks and decimated their chain of command. Sir Lol felt confident in organizing an expedition to the other side of the world. His fleet travels across the Path of Sorrow undisturbed.

What was to come was an epic battle that only a dedicated scribe could recall in detail. Sir Lol's army encountered an entrenched demon army that inhabited an absolutely massive frozen city. In the center of the city was yet another giant laser gun, and a nuclear missile silo. Sir Lol realized he had stumbled into a hornet's nest, but had the power and suprise to press into the heart of the city, and destroy the weapons facilities, then retreat back to modern Earth. Since then the river has been heavily fortified in fear of a counter-attack.

1242 -

Sir Lol sets in place a new law that prevents anyone from approaching the underworld gateways. At around the same time, Bill steals an entire factory's worth of pies.

Sir Lol tries to invent the elevator, but somehow every elevator ever created, no matter how sophisticated or simple, immediately explodes when used. Sir Lol suspects that human elevators have been cursed by Evil.

1300 -

Television is invented. The peasants are hesitant to celebrate, because the only thing ever on is american television, of which is extremely apalling. Sir Lol discovers that somehow all of their television signals are getting interrupted and "jakt" by some kind of jamming device.

1342 -

The sun passes over the Earth, but nothing else happens. Sir Lol tries to reconstruct his moon-based laser gun but every time he does so it somehow explodes. Sir Lol was quoted to be "ticked" after the 42nd failiure.

1400 -

Black men guerilla warriors infiltrate and blow up several key defensive structures of Lome and Lolimpius during a celebrative water drinking fest. The Knight's guild scrambles to defend its city but the swift negros are gone before any defense can be mounted.

1442 -

A van full of mexicans rams one of the 42-meter high walls surrounding Lome and explodes, killing five mexicans and scratching the paint on the wall.

1469 -

Sir Lol gets so infuriated by American Idol that he quickly assembles a landing party and launches the Lolhammer after the Sun. Using his divine skills, he pinpoints the location of the program's broadcasting to a frozen chunk of ice orbiting the facility. A bloody, grueling battle ensues as Sir Lol's forces bravely land on nothing but ridiculously cold ice and smash everything in sight. Demon ships rush to destroy the invaders, but Sir Lol is gone before they can counter-attack, leaving a smoldering ruin in his wake. Unfortunately, those were not Loladins that touched the ice were instantly frozen, to be subjected to pointy sticks for aeons to come. Sir Lol vows to avenge his followers.

1542 -

A laser flails into Modern Earth and blows up a remote outhouse.

1600 -

Efforts to stop Lord Bill from stealing pie have all but failed miserably.

1642 - 

American Idol once more invades the already shitty broadcasting that has bombarded humanity since the invention of the TV. Sir Lol pinpoints the broadcast origin to somewhere on the surface of the sun. Sir Lol was quoted to say "fuk dat", and went back to drinking coffee.
Last edited by Anonymous on Sat Jan 19, 2008 9:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by Milldawg » Fri Aug 25, 2006 1:01 pm


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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by senordinosaurio » Fri Aug 25, 2006 1:31 pm

Thanks for the guide

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by IskatuMesk » Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:47 pm


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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by IskatuMesk » Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:59 pm

The AoS - Preview (Aug 26 2006)

Loladins of Legend is primarily featured on a Warcraft III AOS-style map. This map is only available to regular veteran players of Satyr Saturday and will not be available to the public, and will not be posted for download.

Since said players already know the basics of the AoS I'll quickly summarize the upcoming additions to the next version.

- Widened lanes
- New heroes, new abilities, Epic units, ect.
- Basic control points (Just towers and relief huts for now)
- Better relief hut/shaft of backdooring functionality
- Fixed boss spawns
- Some balance changes
- A warp point between the inner lower and upper ramp areas of the top and bottom lanes, to allow
quick movement for either faction between the top and bottom lanes. Be careful, though, for turrets guard the ramp and gateways of the faction with the most influence in that area. (Top for evil, bottom for loladins iirc) ... 601wh6.jpg
(Above) Isador's Throne, which still needs his actual throne. ... 209dx8.jpg
(Above) The Scorpy On Fire unit summoned by level 3 Flail division will often explode in the faces of enemies and light everything on fire. This explosion even works on magic immune units. ... 118ug3.jpg
(Above) Sir Lol is difficult to take down in frontal combat due to the orbital holy lasers which light everything on fire. Also note the LoL damage display system takes into account armor reduction/bonuses, so you see exactly the damage you are dealing to any given target with spells or attacks. (Special thanks to Wargiant for that!) ... 103kr9.jpg
(Above) One of the new heroes, a ranged Int hero that goes by the name Einlein. Shown his is primary ability - Atomic Bombardment - one of the largest AOE's in the game that does moderate damage to enemy units. Einlein is primary adept in PvE combat and supportive roles with his destructive abilities, but is vulnerable in solo combat. ... 814vu7.jpg
(Above) The most powerful -inanity mode boss spawn currently enabled, the Rust Dragon. The Rust Dragon can fly, melt things in acid, and cause intense chaos.
Last edited by Anonymous on Mon Aug 28, 2006 11:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by Mucky » Mon Aug 28, 2006 11:14 pm

Doctor Doack wrote: (Above) The most powerful -inanity mode boss spawn currently enabled, the Rust Dragon. The Rust Dragon can fly, melt things in acid, and cause intense chaos.
More like cast Default String and crash the game.

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by IskatuMesk » Mon Aug 28, 2006 11:17 pm

yup. That was due to metamorphasis. No idea why it did that, I'll use phoenix instead.

(incidentally Lord Dread uses a nearly identicle metamorphasis for his flight mode and works perfectly...)
Last edited by Anonymous on Mon Aug 28, 2006 11:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by IskatuMesk » Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:19 pm

Well LoL faces another very large challenge to overcome.

It seems there's some kind of hardcoded limit on what the triggers can use per player to attack-move. This means that after about 30 mins of gameplay creeps will start stopping randomly for short periods of time in the middle of the lane for no reason at all, creating huge traffic jams and ruining the game. Often melee units will refuse to engage ranged units, and stand there and get shot at. Sir Lol even does this sometimes.

Currently I have two options.

First I can reduce the creep spawns. This would ruin the gameplay as we know it, forcing the entire aos to be rethought out. It would go from alpha to back to the drawing board.

I can increase the respawn time even further. It was upped from 60 seconds to 2 minutes due to the same problem. I may up it to 3 minutes.

I am currently going to go with B. I may also enforce an upgrade limit (say 30) to prevent long games from encountering game-breaking issues with all of the upgrades in place.

edit -

Upping the respawn timer to 200 seconds seems to have alleviated the problem for now. (that's about 2.20 minutes if I'm correct. Enough for a large spawn to reach a base and be mostly destroyed before the next is spawning.)

Also, controlling cannon garrisons is now enabled. ... 802sp5.jpg ... 403bf0.jpg
Last edited by Anonymous on Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by killer-bee » Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:56 am

is there any place where you can download this Loladins of Legend?
wanderers of sorceria kicks ass

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by IskatuMesk » Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:58 am

Please read before posting.
The AoS - Preview (Aug 26 2006)

Loladins of Legend is primarily featured on a Warcraft III AOS-style map. This map is only available to regular veteran players of Satyr Saturday and will not be available to the public, and will not be posted for download.

More problems

LoL now needs its fledgling upgrade and global resource system to be completely rebuilt because Blizzard doesn't know how to program working item-handling triggers and random gay shit happens when you upgrade stuff.
Last edited by Anonymous on Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by Mr. » Wed Aug 30, 2006 11:00 pm

Upgrades are overrated.
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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by IskatuMesk » Thu Aug 31, 2006 12:44 pm

AOS info Segment 1 (information subject to change)

The Forces of Evil - The Satanium

The stronghold of Evil in the AOS is the Satanium, a large fiery palace overlooking the shipyard. It is here that Lord Isador rests atop his Throne of Thorns, overlooking the operations of the entire station.

The Satanium is surrounded by massive refineries, ducts, and volcanic vents that are all part of the great station.

Adjacent to the Satanium is the Space Defense Center, an optional target available to the Loladins which may allow them to circumvent and interrupt Epic summons of the Forces of Evil. The paths around both the Satanium and the SDC are moderately guarded by a maze of molten rock, mining equipment, and automated battle cannons.

The Satanium and the landing position the Loladins jacked are similar, except their north and south ends are reversed. To gain the quickest access to the Throne of Thorns, the Loladins must destroy the South lane. Incidentally, the control point in the south is Loladin favoured (the Loladin towers are closer to it).

The Satanium is guarded by a host of mechanical and demonic defenses. To reach Isador, the Loladins must best them all.

Nura`ku Defenders

As if to act as a polar to the human Amazons, these demon women have pledged themselves to Evil since the dawn of time. The powers of the Satanium have granted them unholy strength and resilience, and they act as its guards. Defenders will not persue an enemy.
Unholy Regeneration - Heals a number of allies.
Satanic Retribution - An undefined offensive ability.
Demonic Strength - Reduces the effects of enemy spells and physical attacks.

Bloodstone Guardians

Forged by the flames of war, hardened by the winds of time. These ancient demons have witnessed thousands of battles and are consumed by the lust for battle. They protect the inner sanctum and Lord Isador with their lives. They are fewer in number than Nura`Ku, however.
Bloodstone Endurance - Greatly reduces the effects of enemy spells and physical attacks.
Meteor Shower - Uses their mental power to draw in orbiting rocks that rain upon the enemy from high above.
Funeral Pyre - Hurls an enormous fireball at enemy ranks.
Faltering Will - Silences enemies.
Jordan's Pillar - A strong single-target healing ability.

Bloodstone Champions

Kneeling indefinately before their master, there is only room for two champions within the Isadorian ranks. These mighty warriors act without hesitation, without fear, in the name of their God. They are the final defense before Isador's Throne. They do not treat this task lightly.
Immortal Courage - Spell immunity
Champion's Might - Greatly increases attack speed for a short period of time.
Pierce Armor - Greatly reduces an enemy armor. Melee-range.
Thundering Rage - The Champion's strength and skill is so great that every time they strike an enemy they have the chance to release their energy on contact, striking the enemy with such an overpowering blow that it cripples them.
Whirlwind - Attacks adjacent targets.

Isadorian Battle Fortresses -

These floating structures orbit the burning winds of Mars, firing relentlessly upon anything that enters their range. Lord Isador only had time to force a number of them to descend to face the Loladins on the surface, however. They are strategically placed for maximum range. Their demonic power can allow them to effect enemies that draw too close.

Isadorian Sergeants -

Three Sergeants guard the gateways that summon the Forces of Evil to Isador's side. There is Howard, Britney Spears, and Bill Gates. They each have unique abilities. An example is - Howard can summon demonic allies, Britney Spears can terrorize and deafen enemies, and Bill Gates can evoke satanic powers. The lanes they guard will be randomized.

Isadorian-made Automated Weapons

A variety of sentry guns litter the Satanium and its surrounding facilities. While not particularily threatening alone, they are designed and placed in manners that allow them to support existing defenses.

The Space Defense Center -

The SDC is outside the lanes, but it is guarded by automated weapons. While initially under the control of Lord Isador, the Loladins may assault the facility and capture it. The facility is required for Lord Isador's gateways to summon Epic units. If the Loladins control it and the Docking Center (their default point) both at the same time, they will acquire double epic spawns. It is up to the Avatars to retake/defend the facility if it is stolen.

The top lane is Evil-favoured. The Forces of Evil have towers closer to it than the Loladins do, but the point is the same distance from both bases.

The Forces of Evil have the following Divisions;

Confederate Flail Division - Supportive light melee division. Summons large numbers of various Scorpies into the fray. Summons units from the Hellish Gateway.
Torrent of Turtles Division - Defensive heavy melee division. Summons huge turtles to act as "tanks" and protect the other divisions. Also summons supportive turtle casters that buff allies. Summons units from the Hellish Gateway and the Demonium.
Akredian Swarm Division - Offensive heavy melee division. Summons large insects to deal damage to enemies, preferably single targets such as epic units or heroes. Akredians specialize in poisons, damage, and speed. Summons units from the Hellish Gateway.
Mechanics Division - Siege division. Summons various machines designed to support armies and destroy enemy structures. Summons units from the Evil Laboratory.
Shipyard Divisions - Air division. Summons all forms of air support for the Forces of Evil. Most of these are designed for assaults on enemy fortifications or large-scale combat.
Demonium Magick Division - Offensive casting division. Summons most offensive spell-using and supportive spell-using units. Summons units from the Shipyard.
Demonium Satanist Division - A special division. Summons various demon types. Upgrade this if you want a simple, well-rounded force early on. Summons units from the Demonium.

Current epic units -

Epic units are summoned every second wave. If the Forces of Evil control both the SDC and the Doack Control Center (DCC!) they get 2 epic units per spawn instead of 1. If the Forces of Evil control neither point, the Epic units will not spawn no matter the upgrade levels.

Giant Robot - Summoned from the Evil Lab.

Requires level 10 mechanics and level 10 shipyard. Siege weapon. Very large. Can shoot multiple enemy targets at once from long-range. Carries a large battle cannon, missile salvos, and nanites. Extremely heavily armored.

Akredian Colossus - Summoned from the Demonium.

Requires level 10 Akredian Swarm and level 10 Demonium Satanist. Summons a giant bug that deals damage to enemy infantry and buildings in melee combat. The presence of the Colossus inspires allies and terrifies enemies.

Dream Hunter - Summoned from the Demonium.

Requires level 10 satanist and level 10 magicks. Summons a demon specialized in psionic/magic combat. Can steal life from enemies, and feeds on the mental energies of close by targets. Can summon demonic allies at will.
Last edited by Anonymous on Thu Aug 31, 2006 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by IskatuMesk » Sat Sep 02, 2006 8:15 am


This is what we're looking at for tonight's SS.

Lane stuff.
Relief hut/shaft stuff.
Revamped upgrade system that actually works.
Some epic spawns, at least for the Evil side.
Some new heroes/spells, although spells are kinda ridiculously hard to make unique/trigger at all
Hopefully working good creep respawn timers. The test tonight is kinda to see how far I can push it. It's currently at 160 seconds. That seems to work, but the creep numbers may need reduction.
New event bosses, modified current boss encounters.
Some ingame hints to stuff so I can stop repeating myself over vent to clueless people
Some strings will be corrected. (Deathwish never gave 150% damage taken to begin with)
Deathwish's damage buff should no longer become permanent if you die with it active.
Health for int heroes/agi heroes has been improved slightly.
Working anti-kiting measures for the faction bosses/generals.
Fixed Loladin evil base creep pathing. There was some hilarious issues with this I uncovered recently. (The Isador target location for one wasn't even near his throne at all)
You may now capture cannon garrisons.
Towers and garrisons and other such defenses now give you experience of their kills.
Isador no longer does melee damage comparable to faction leaders. He does, however, have most of his abilities.
All creep speeds have been normalized to 300. Make note event creeps are much faster.
More items have been enabled, including boots of speed.
Creep bounty reduced.
Hopefully will get the money generation trigger in.
Wild Axes if I have time.

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Re: Loladins of Legend

Post by killer-bee » Sun Sep 03, 2006 9:21 am

is there any way to get regular veteran player of Satyr Saturday  ::)
wanderers of sorceria kicks ass

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