{DF} Boatcudgel

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{DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Tue Aug 11, 2009 10:35 am

'ERE WE SET SAIL FOR FAIL

We're setting out with the following highly charismatic and sexually neutral individuals;

Palin
Tipereth
Lavarinth
Hercanic
Lenny
Earl
Flyinghat


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There's this gigantic chasm to the east...

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That's a lot of dudes.

Strike the earth, men! Make it fast!

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This seems like a good fortress position. Right in front of the water, fairly defensible, and it isn't made out of Alunite this time!

6th Slate, 446

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We're making good progress. Started mining downwards, found some chalk and iron. Horray!

23rd Hematite

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Progress continues. Now that we have some of the incredibly rare microcline to work with, some furniture has been made and all the basic necessities are being met.

Except for food. We're about to run out.
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Tue Aug 11, 2009 6:02 pm

16th Limestone

The dwarven caravan has semi-arrived. They're taking a detour across the entire map. Following their movements, I've discovered that there's a bottomless pit to add to the existing chasm. Great! This little pit of delights seems to be around the northern area of the map, fairly far away from the fortress.

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Only one caravan out of the 2-3 caravans has actually reached the depot over the course of five minutes, and while the others take an extended detour a goblin theif trips over someone in the main hall and makes a mad dash out of the fortress.

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He gets torn in half. A kobold theif tries his luck soon after, and doesn't get much further. A second kobold theif appears and loses his leg, shortly followed by the rest of his body.

As we trade with the caravan, I'm utterly bamboozled by the fact that a dwarven caravan doesn't have any fucking alcohol of any kind. What a bunch of faggots.

Seems that Hercanic decided to become the local trader and now has the title to boot. What a guy!

Meanwhile, Tipereth has become a woodworker. Our two slave- err, miners are Lavarinth and Palin. They make such a cute couple. Flyinghat decided he likes masonry, and Earl picks weed for us to inject into our alcohol stream. Following up is Lenny who just moves shit around.

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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Tue Aug 11, 2009 7:28 pm

8th Timber

Some migrants have arrived. Delightful!

Warbringer, he'll be our SMITHY
Dread, he'll be a goddamned fisherman and hopefully help us get out of this food shortage.
Pheo, he's going to make some GIZMOS and shiz like dat
Desler, he's going to be our cook and assist with brewing and planting.
Flyinghat has a companion in masonry, Doodle!
Lavarinth and Palin have a new buddy in mining for the time being, AA7!
Plus three new peasants; Howard, John, and Robert.

And for the first time ever, the Migrants didn't piss into the bottomless pit on their way over.

8th moonstone, Winter

Our food problem has seemed to blow over for the time being. Plenty of leaves on these here bushes for the lads to chew on. Have begun exploratory mining, specifically looking for magma to get our forges up and operational. Although there is coal beneath us in case we have to use more traditional methods.
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Fri Aug 14, 2009 4:58 pm

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23rd Moonstone

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Time to get our forging operation up. I've ordered construction of everything under the sun for the Republic of Boatcudgel - a Siege Workshop, every kind of furnace including a Kiln, whatever that does, and a metalsmith shop.

24th Opal

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Hollowed out the entrance a bit more in preparation for the siege engines and hordes of traps. Also began mining out all of the iron and coal in the vicinity.

5th Obsidian

Dread is unhappy because he encountered a rat. What a pansy.

3rd Granite, spring

Both Desler and Lenny are too lazy to brew, and so we're about to run out of drink. Faggots.

15h Granite

Hey, it's the elveses!

As the two little elves pass, Palin rushes by and huddles at the edge of the map next to the troglodytes. What the fuck is he doing?

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The elves have NOTHING useful. Just fucking reed cloth. Next time I'll be ready... and if you don't bring me jaguars in fucking cages, I'll have your heads! Get back to farming, Hercanic! No time to dilly daddle!

28th Granite

Migrants! Yay!

There's too many to call names right now. But some are..

Arcan (Military)
Cheesechild (Military)
Xelxiuz (Military)
Mucky
Magic
Hearst
DoW
Hitler (smithy)
Stalin (smithy)
Eli (Military)


All of the military besides Arcan will be getting croissbows sometime soon, and Arcan's going to get a nice steel hammer once our system gets working. Now, we just need bones for bolts...

Eli will lead the squad of crossbowdwarves.

Total population is now 34.
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Fri Aug 14, 2009 10:47 pm

20th Slate

The abundance of vermin seems to be causing problems. We need cats, but we're stuck waiting on caravans to bring any for quite a while it would seem.

Struck two sources of platinum so far - going to make some statues to try to offset the vermin creeping into everyone's pants.

Setting up our entrance to be a bit more defendable. More traps, ballista, and some foritications.

Suddenly, Warbringer is possessed!  He stands around doing nothing. I suspect he wants a loom, but I have no cloth for him. Oh dear oh dear!

Suddenly,

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Curious as to how ricky died without any immediate threat, I look over to where Palin had been hiding earlier - at the other end of the map. Surely enough...

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... Ricky had decided to hide over in that corner for some unknown reason and got zerged by the ratmen. Much to my chagrin, a bunch of dwarves rush out of the fortress to reclaim his body, agitating the already angsty ratmen.

There's also a ratman corpse out in, literally, the middle of nowhere.

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Which seems to be where the dwarves want to go, probably to hide the corpse under their bed in the barracks and pronounce themselves teh winnar.

DoW scurries across the map with a ratman in close pursuit, interrupting a horde of Troglodytes. At first the Troglodytes run away, but two of them turn around and decide to punch him. DoW throws punch after punch but the two troglodytes wrestle him for hours and hours until they grow too tired to continue, then make their escape. As DoW tries to flee, a third troglodyte jumps him and the battle wages on. Meanwhile, a Ratman gets maimed by a trap as he tries to invade the fortress, and bleeds to death.

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Stalin, the metalsmith, observes DoW as he tries to fight off the troglodyte.

Stalin runs in, seemingly to assist DoW, interrupting the fight for a brief moment before making his get away. DoW tries to escape but passes out before he makes it more than ten feet, and the Troglodyte returns for sloppy seconds.

Meanwhile, there's a decapitated Ratman corpse in the middle of nowhere.

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DoW is slain just as Fred, one of the Peasants, rushes past with four War Dogs in tow. The Troglodyte makes a feeble attempt to catch him as well, then gets ripped apart by the dogs in seconds. Another Troglodyte, this time chasing Stalin, rushes past and gets maimed in much the same fashion.

As the action settles down, two coffins are placed for Boatcudgel's first victims - Ricky and DoW.
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Fri Aug 14, 2009 11:07 pm

14th Hematite

Warbringer continues to stand around ranting and doing nothing. I suspect we'll be dealing with him shortly. No one seems to want to build the loom, so that's not going to work out too well.

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WB rips off his shoe and flails around the dining room screaming wildly!

Then he runs into the statue room and throws his gloves at people.

It's worth noting that while all of this takes place, a lone Ratman is going in an out of consciousness near the eastern sector of the map.

WB throws himself into a nearby pond. After a few moments of splashing around in a foot of water,

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Boatcudgel has claimed a third dwarf.
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Sat Aug 15, 2009 11:29 pm

24th Galena

It's time to start upgrading the fortress and getting ready for future arrivals.

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As you can see, there's a new room for a second still and carpenter's workshop. Eventually I hope to get rid of all of that water and make a second wood storage and some more carpenter's and mason's shops, as well as craftsdwarf's shops for maximum craft production.

The dwarves seem to randomly find Olm remains. I'm not sure how, or where, but they do.

Started on the new dining room underneath the brook. The idea is to make a waterfall inside the dining room to produce mist, offsetting everyone getting molested by vermin and the constant rain. First we must tunnel out to the bottomless pit, then make some serious channel work. Hopefully we do this right the first time.

16th Limestone

The dwarven caravan has arrived. They better have fucking alcohol this time. And cats. Like clockwork, a theif is discovered and makes his getaway.

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That lone ratman who spent half a year gradually making his way to the fortress and then passing out finally gets put out of our misery by the marksdwarves with the caravan.

As you can see, the caravan is following the brook but later decides to go straight north.

A second kobold theif pops up right next to the trade depot and gets maimed.

The fucking merchants wouldn't give me anything. What a bunch of dicks. You're lucky my plans haven't finished yet or I'd drown the lot of you.

More fucking migrants. Yay. Mantidz, BilltheEmu, Shadowflare, and some other hopeless sots I'm going to put to work making bone bolts and getting our steel production working faster. Total pop is 37, now.

The cavern I was making for the new trade depot just collapsed, hurling palin into a painful two foot drop. Lavarinth also seems to be moderately injured even though he didn't even fall. What a pansy.

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Palin got up and resumed the channeling as you can see in the top area, but it collapsed a SECOND time and threw him back down. What a bunch of idiots.

21st Timber, late autumn

It's finished. The instrument of my revenge on those cocksuckers from back home. They'll get theirs!

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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Sun Aug 16, 2009 1:09 am

7th Moonstone

The huge tunnel we're going to use for operation Amazing Dining Room has gold in it. This will slow down our plans as we mine out the gold for later use. 

16th Moonstone

Dear diary,

STUPID FUCKING MINERS

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Somehow Palin and AA7 both got themselves trapped while channeling out the tunnel. And they're refusing to build a ramp to get out of it.

I can't help but facepalm the numerous times the two miners get themselves trapped on 1x1 tiles. Suddenly,

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Horray. The underground river is right underneath the tunnel, so we won't need to channel past the gold and this will save some time. I think.

17th Opal

John Doe just jacked a jeweler's workshop after withdrawing from society. I can only imagine where this is going to lead to. It doesn't take him long to begin a mysterious construction. Makes a "perfect red spinel". Yay.

7th Obsidian

It's the dead of winter, the perfect time to tell the lads to harvest bones from the outdoors for further bone bolt production. We've almost made our first steel weapon - a hammer for Arcan. He wields it proudly. We're just about out of coal, though. Time to find more! 

24th Obsidian

We opened the brook to the channels leading into the new dining room, but the water is coming too fast and is slowly flooding the rooms. Hurry up and get some walls in place!

Here's the new dining room, ready to be prettified.

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15h Granite

Most of the trouble spots are walled up besides the one leaking water into the staircase, but it's making mist and doesn't seem to be flooding the lower sector so I'm not too worried. Elves arrived - let'see if they will bring something useful or play test subjects for my new setup.

I stand corrected. The last trouble spot has been walled up.

Good job, Flyinghat. Enjoy your water.

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Those cocksucking faggots better not have come all this way just to show me rope ree-

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That's it. That's fucking it. I've had it with these pointy-eared cocksuckers who think they can snicker about me behind my back.

I calmly ask Hercanic to leave the trade depot. I'll fucking drow-

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Oh great! Just what we needed.

Arcan is the one who spots them, and gets killed instantly. Eli tries to shoot them, but gets zerged in the process. Xelxiuz attempts to run over and clobber them with his crossbow. He never was the bright one. No loss.

I order all dwarves inside, but Stalin and Hearst don't get the memo and are shot down.

Looks like I won't need to worry about drowning the elves after all.

With all of the major targets outside dead, the goblins charge the fortress entrance and are torn apart by the field of traps waiting for them.

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Get back to work you filthy slobs!
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Sun Aug 16, 2009 1:51 am

8th Slate

Harvesting all of the goods left behind by the elves. It's just cloth, but I'm sure we can do something with it. Maybe sell it to the humans.

Cheesechild threw a tantrum momentarily before realizing Eli's death means he can steal the squad leadership. Except he has no one to lead. We'll have to fix that next migration.

Palin falls into the water on the other side of the floodgate. Now's a great time to find out that it isn't actually deep enough to drown anyone. Fuck. I think we can solve this with a few modifications, though.

5th Felsite

A lot of new migrants. Hercanic became the mayor. Total pop is now 50. Most of these shmucks are becoming our new military. Contratulations, boys! Welcome to Boatcudgel. Pick up a crossbow and get training!

Apparently AA7 just died from thirst. I guess with Lavarinth out of business he had no one else worthy enough to turn to. Oh well.

... I honestly have no idea how someone could die from thirst with water EVERYWHERE. Since I set Flyinghat free, no one has come to rebuild the wall and I keep getting "construction suspended". Suck my dick you midgets.

Upon closer inspection of the traps, it seems a single trap managed to kill two goblins at once. Awesome.

Apparently, Terranup just got possessed. Great! And he stole the only metalsmith's forge there is.

And Palin just killed himself mining out the trade depot in the revamped depot sector.

We need new miners. Who's up for the task?

Terranup created an anvil. Yay.

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All of our bone storage is full. Need more bone storage! We'll use the old food storage. With that made, the onslaught of bones continues. I think we need another bone carver making bolts. Although many of the remains are just skulls and turtle shells.
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:43 pm

The legacy of Boatcudgel continues!

1st Hematite, Early summer, 448

This seems like a good opportunity to get a good rundown of the fortress and its progress.

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"Other animals" equates to "Puppies". We have a lot of puppies.

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The entrance, complete with an artist's impression of the valley we're in. You can see the bottomless pit on the small map. The chasm is at the upper right corner area.

Make note the two catapults that Pheo enjoys firing every few minutes, hurling rocks across the map in intervals. The pit area is our trade depot. It's not quite finished, yet. I'm sure there'd have been an easier way to make it, but whatever.

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The main level of the fortress. Make note of Lavarinth and Herman who have become best of buddies in the barracks. They never leave each other's side. Except Herman is missing his brain. And Lavarinth is the last of our experienced miners. AA7 mysteriously dehydrated himself to death and Palin is somewhere underneath the trade depot. Additionally, make note of our bone storage. It's actually more like turtle shell storage.

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One level below, the "Workshop" area where all of our smelters are located. This is where we're going to train our new miners; Zilla, WarGiant, and Milldawg.

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This is a little north of the smelting area, next to the Brook. We breached the brook and now some of it goes into a series of channels into the dining room far below. The level below this is another channel, the one that lacks any kind of a wall to stop the water from leaking into the stairs. It doesn't seem to be flooding anything, though, so I'm not too worried about it. I am, however, a bit worried about someone (like a Goblin) falling through the channels and getting into the dining room. That could be bad. The water isn't deep enough to drown anyone.

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Two levels below the first channel is our new dining room. Isn't it awesome? There's also a residential sector that we've started on, one of many that will eventually house the men and women of this proud country. You can see that there's mist all over the staircase from that leaky channel above. Not necessarily a bad thing. All of the rocks are blocking off the food piles. There has to be some way to get rid of them...

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Two levels below the dining room and a bit north is the underground river. This is where the brook water eventually ends up after it leaves all of the channels.


9th Hematite

Ordered the mining of a staircase and some new passages in the main level to help streamline traffic.
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Mon Aug 17, 2009 10:25 pm

7th Galena

Today and aid came screaming into my room about trees and shrubs growing in the fortress. I have no idea how the hell that happens, so I said "Chop them down you useless pansy!"

12th Limestone

Ah, finally!

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Hello! Don't mind the mud, or the odor of dead elf.

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Heheh.

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By Armok's blood, why do they always come in the midst of my work!?

Two of my would-be dwarves get maimed, and a second ambush appears. The first ambush gets rough with the merchants still trapped in the pit.

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Dead goblins everywhere.

After a while, a bunch of the merchants and their guards leave, but because we sealed off the majority of the trade depot already the actual caravans are still trapped.

Perhaps their buddies knew what we were trying to do, but since Doodle is such a lazy faggot that door has yet to be finished. With that finally finished, the lever is pulled and the water very, very slowly drips into the chamber. The merchants attempt to embark, but they're trapped! Ahahahah! Burn in hell you cocksuckers!

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My situation, eh?

I got a situation fer ya, bub.

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The hours trickle on by. Strange noises start emanating from the pit. I have a look.

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Apparently being fully submerged in water isn't enough to kill the merchants, but the constant torment by the turtles and fish is enough to drive them insane.

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Even the horses start acting a little funny.

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All hell breaks loose inside the submerged pit! Somehow, one of the merchants managed to escape the PIT OF FUCKING WATER and punches multiple dogs to death before being zerged by the remaining hounds.

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That is a lot of flies.

I honestly don't know what's going on in that pit anymore. But I need it emptied. I need their STUFF. There's CAT CAGES IN THERE AND WE NEED THEM NOW!

I wish we had magma.
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Mon Aug 17, 2009 11:24 pm

21st Timber

Many days have passed since we trapped the merchants in the pit of water, and somehow a bunch of horses and two merchants climbed out and are "running around crazed" in the upper levels.

To make matters worse, one of the Recruits was just taken by a fey mood. I should mention that this is the recruit who is horribly wounded from the goblin incursion and has both his spine and his neck injured. His crawl to where ever he's going is very, very slow. Despite his injuries, he claims a craftsdwarf's shop and begins the agonizing long trek across the fortress to gather materials. After a few days of work, he begins a mysterious construction!

With no end to the pit of water's adventure in site, I've order construction of a second trade depot in case someone else decides to join us for a cup of sweaty oily water.

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The Brilliance of Fungus. Okay. That's nice.

Now that the recruit finished his... object, he's decided that the craftsdwarf's shop is going to be his new home and never moves from that spot.

Some of the insane horses in the pit seem to be going thirsty. While engulfed in water.

To take my mind off this horrible trainwreck, I head on to other matters.

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It seems like we have quite the quantity of puppies, with now 50 animals in total. They are everywhere. There are also fucking trees and shrubs growing around everywhere inside the main level for some reason.

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After a while I order the floodgate turned off to the pit, hoping it will eventually dry up. Since the caravans can't actually leave, I hope I can steal their goodies where they stand.

21st Opal

Most of the horses finally died of dehydration, along with two of the three remaining merchants. The others don't seem to be too concerned.

When we breached the walls to let all the water out of the pit, the remaining merchants and horses went insane as well. Goodies spray out of the caravan as it explodes and vanishes from existence.

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Well, dying faster would be an attribute I think you should look into.

For some reason, the guards took off and I have no idea where they went. They probably realized they weren't going to be able to do anything. Now the lads are looting all of the goods in the pit.
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Thu Aug 27, 2009 1:34 pm

The story of Boatcudgel continues!

5h Obsidian

Work continues on steel warhammers and looting the stuff out of the pit.

I decide to check up on our lovely Mayor, Hercanic. He's apparently Tipereth's lover, and he wanted two greaves made - which seem to have been made despite any action of my own. Perhaps he was satisfied with the loot given by our wayward merchants.

Speaking of merchants, we need to get the trade depot accessible again. Time to bring down those walls and rebuild the ramps. There's still a merchant and a crazed horse running around inside the pit; they'll just have to stay there. I've ordered construction of a floor overhead the trade depot in case any newcomers try to swim out again.

Sure got a lot of meat off of those horses.

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Oh, you have no idea. I'll be ready next time.

Zilla managed to collapse one of the small renovations he was channeling out, bruising a finger.

After studying some of the new loot we got, I realize that we got almost 10 cages from the caravan. I think one of them might have a cat. The lads will sure be happy once the rat problem is dealt with.

Getting rid of the water in the trade depot pit is going to be a problem, and the dwarves won't build the extra doors needed to seal it off when the new arrivals come. I'm sure there would have been a better solution to this contraption, but now we have to work extra hard to make it functional again.

I notice we had a visitor that decided to stop by.

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As it turns out, there wasn't just several cats, but also dogs and a mule in those cages. Excellent.

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wtf?

16th Granite

The mystery of the "Release large animal needs an empty cage which we fucking have" continues.

And the Elves show up.

With Goblins.

Great!

Terranup plays catch with the goblin bowmen around the chasm.

A second band of goblins kills Lenny and rapes a puppy before running into the traps and getting ripped apart. A stray goblin gets punted thirty feet by a hammerdwarf.

A third group of goblins joins up with the first group. Many dwarves die as they ignore my orders to stay inside and get caught in a shower of arrows.

A peasant is inspired by this carnage and claims a craftsdwarf's shop.

Several Elves get killed.

As the last of the goblins are chased off or killed with crossbows, the Peasant makes some wooden crown with spikes of granite. Yay.

5th Slate

A Dungeon Master arrives with some silly migrants, only to get harassed by a giant cave swallow. It also seems the siege was enough to encourage the dwarves to finally let the animals out of the cages.

It also seems that Pheo died in the siege, and he was the only experienced engineer we had. Great.

The migrants arrive to see this lovely testimony to our fortress.

Image

Piles of goblins and goblin chunks litter the field of traps laid out.
Image~[Gameproc]~Image
Warning: dialogue contains politically incorrect content. Viewer rearsore may occur.

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IskatuMesk
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Re: {DF} Boatcudgel

Postby IskatuMesk » Thu Aug 27, 2009 2:14 pm

8th Slate

The Elves are missing. Either they got killed by the Goblins or they ran away after luring them over here. I don't know which. Faggots.

I don't know why the dwarves put the fucking merchants in our coffins. It's like they're glorifying the slaughter of the merchants by filling an entire room with their squishy wet remains. It's annoying because over half of our coffins are filled with fucking merchants.

Since the migrants arrived, our pop is now 60.

And we just ran out of coal and cokes. Metalsmithing grinds to a halt.

Since all of our mechanics died, I've re-instated Pheo as Robo Pheo. The plan: cover the entire brook with traps so we don't end up in a shooting gallery again.

1st Hematite

Dear Diary,

Our dogs are soaking wet.

No, not just soaking wet in water, but...

Image

You know the saying "It's raining cats and dogs?"

Well, around here, we use the saying "It's vomiting cats and dogs".

Image
Image~[Gameproc]~Image
Warning: dialogue contains politically incorrect content. Viewer rearsore may occur.


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