Ok I'll try to do this like you guys usually review campaigns, though I may not be as thorough as some of the other members here >_>
+ Funny and simple joke sets the mood for what's to come
+ Timing for the in-game dialogue is appropriate
+ Some good humour thrown in
+ Terraining looks good (the wall patterns seemed a bit random for an installation setting, but that's nitpicking)
- Some of the briefing text disappears too fast
Odd: mission objectives displayed as "don't press start, wait a bit" had me confused
Comment: mission plays itself as a cinematic but that's ok since it's for presentation of the campaign and it's handled well. A good start overall.
+ Charlie owns ^_^ you did a good job with the modding here, I see you swapped the portrait to lurker and changed the color scheme? Looks unique, good job
+ Clear and straightforward objectives
- Again, some of the briefing text goes away before you can read it
- Terrain looks weird in places, too jagged
- No briefing data whatsoever? That's bit awkward...
Odd: the door to raynor's cell is already open when you get there
Critical bug: don't know if this happened to anyone else, but i've tested it twice and it happened both times -- after rescuing Jimmy I go back to the elevator spot, so I can return to the upper part of the map, but i don't get teleported unless I have at least one unit standing on the receiving spot. Only then does the trigger activate and my units are teleported back. So if I didn't leave behind any of my units I can't use the elevator to get back thus I can't finish the mission. I guess the reason for this is that you copied the same trigger without changing the conditions, only the actions. You might want to check this.
Comment: I found this mission kind of lacking overall.
+ Lol @ "random poles"!
+ Decent terraining
- Second paragraph of briefing text should linger just a tad longer for an easier read
- When you get to the holy grounds Ashen says you should look for other sane protoss but the mission objectives don't get updated (even though it's just for a small segment of the mission)
- The moment you arrive at the ally base there are zerglings just chilling with the neutral protoss units, which then turn on each other
- Some of the dialogue goes by a bit too fast (you can tell this is one of my pet peeves, lol)
Odd: I'm not sure I understand the purpose of those disruption fields; I guess you can use them to your advantage somehow?
Comment: a welcome change of scenery and characters. One of the nicer maps I'd say.
+ Cool scene with adun ghost; one of the more memorable segments of the campaign. Using a hallucinated zealot to portray a ghost was a very elegant solution. If I were to nitpick I'd say you could mod the Phoenix hero portrait to make it more blurry/surreal/abstract (thus more befitting of a ghost) but that's not really necessary. Anyway, a nice concept that you handled well
+ Nice terrain and detail
- Again, no briefing at all is a bit disappointing
- Layout is confining and difficult to traverse; I feel that a slightly bigger map would breathe easier here
- The temple looks like it was added as an afterthought, as it's crammed into the very edge of the map
Comment: the Light Beacon takes a bit long to finish, but IMO it's much better than having a time counter; those are just plain horrible and artificial, lol. So your choice was more organic, I liked it. Change the building time, rename the structure, give it a different context and there you go.
+ Lol @ briefing! Nice jab at the fake campaigners out there XD
+ Fast pace is a nice change after previous mission
- This mission kinda plays itself; you can bypass everything and still succeed. I guess it's meant as more of a cinematic (and a short one at that)?
+ More humour
+ Layout works well
- Briefing text rushed straight past me
I didn't play the last 2 missions yet; I'll post the rest when I finish them