The Random Adventures!

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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby mark_009_vn » Tue Sep 24, 2013 6:00 pm

a legion of Communist cosmonauts suddenly approaches the Astrocock...
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"I'm begging you, let me work!" - Osamu Tezuka

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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby Ricky_Honejasi » Mon Sep 30, 2013 6:17 pm

Sorry for the long delay, real life took me for quite a while.

So Mesk's, KnoutOut's and Mark's posts happened.

As the ASTROCOCK itself essentially bring night time to a part of the planet, KnoutOut finds some spaceship of some sort and goes at the ASTROCOCK.

Meanwhile, way too many communist cosmonauts are approaching the ASTROCOCK as well. They know of Professor Snape's Capitalism and they are in dire need to stop him ... with neon protesting signs while flying around the ASTROCOCK!

TV News now mention the phenomenon all around the globe and even reaches intergalactic news. Zilla- and BilltheEmu respectively sees the news on their smart phones.

Meanwhile in the deepest dark alleys of the University ... a student, too smart for his own good, manages to creates a real living hero from a Holodeck into reality : John Flashman.

John Flashman is a real man with stylishly yet manly long blond hair reaching his behind, an awesome jacket and two legacy revolvers. The kid is scarred yet amazed to produce a feat that no scientist managed to accomplish.

John Flashman sees the TV News about the ASTROCOCK and then decides he have to play hero. He decides to use the 4D Printers to print multiple gadgets, secret and stealthy weapons and countless ammo types that he will need for his one-man crusade.

Leaving the kid behind, John Flashman exits the university with girls madly in love following him. He then manly dashes to instill that odd illogical love into the ladies yet distance himself as he will run into danger.

He finds a flying car with a lady driver in it. He complements her beauty in an forgotten romantic way of the old times. Then he somehow convince her that he has to borrow the car for the sake of humanity.

Her racing heart couldn't say no.

With a newly acquired car and a heartfelt promise to return the flying car unscratched, John Flashman intentionally crashes the flying car into a strategic area of the spaceport to swiftly steal a space ship. The guards were too surprised to counter as the ship flew away.

It was better that way to avoid innocent casualties as a hero. The spaceship authorities wouldn't understood him anyway ...

As he flew into space, he notices the oversized ASTROCOCK with the "neon communist cosmonauts" around it.

John Flashman knew normal approaches wouldn't work against the ASTROCOCK's likely special detection systems. He quickly codes a special algorithm : Warping the ship at the highest speed while using a piercing teleport at the exact right moment into the ASTROCOCK.

He only had one chance and he executes it ... he barely made it into the ASTROCOCK's rear locations while he aimed to be inside the bridge.

It was better than being dead after trying that ungodly insane maneuver after all. The stolen ship warps to a safe location. However, John Flashman takes out his signal receiver and finds out he cannot reach the ship's signal. He presumes the ASTROCOCK has jamming devices much more powerful than he thought.

No matter. He cracks his neck left and right in heroic fashion and draws both of his resolvers. Either he will be a hero or a zero after all this is over. The usual.

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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby IskatuMesk » Mon Sep 30, 2013 7:15 pm

"Sir," Edward, the handsome butler commented, "it appears that the picketers have finally arrived."

Snape casually glanced at the holographic displays of surrounding space. Communist neanderthals still believed their precious world could thrive.

"I recommend the warp drive again, sir," Edward cooly continued, "perhaps we could send them somewhere quaint. Like a Brazilian transgender boarding school."

Ah, the Brazilians. When they weren't rioting uncontrollably or annihilating the modeling market with uncannily attractive posters, they were incorporating Thailand's refugees into their ranks. It is said that their midnight howls could twist a man inside-out.

"Very well," Snape murmured. Edward moved to activate the jump drives and surround the ship in a warp field to remove the pedestrians.

"That's unusual," Edward commented suddenly. "Warp disruption around the rear of the ship. Unrelated to our own devices."

Snape half-heartedly considered the man's words. Perhaps one of the communists was running amuck the ship in a speedo. He had to give the man credit - Putin was an incredibly attractive action hero in his time, and any communist would murder for a chance to be anywhere near his footsteps.

"Have the crew inspect the ship. Report any unusual activity and deal with it accordingly," Snape shrugged.
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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby KnoutOut » Tue Oct 01, 2013 6:23 am

His newfound ship flew slowly towards the giant penis that was surrounded by athletic muscular men. Or that's what he thinks atleast. He doesn't remember when and how he got the spaceship, which he concludes must be another memory loss caused by loosing his mind for a while. Only his body knows what happened.

The ship is pretty small and looks very ugly. A designer must have been obsessed with slimy balls and punched the constructor furiously to have him build this affront of manly taste. It looks like half of a ballsack, with a piece of skin seemingly devouring it and stretched backwards, engines stick out of the back as if these were a last second thought. The ball is spinning. On it is engraved the word "HORN".

As he approaches the landing bay, he pushes the auto-dock button. A panel pops out of the controlboard, sliding towards him. "Please insert your proper authorization material" it says.

After slapping it multiple times with his penis, he still only gets error messages. But he remembered that he had obtained an iphone before, and he pulled it out of his arsehole and slammed it on the panel. A big display comes rushing from the side and stops infront of him. It asks: "PLEASE ENTER YOUR PASSWORD: _ _ _"

...

...

"C
A
T"



"Welcome aboard!"
The landing bay opens.

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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby Ricky_Honejasi » Tue Oct 01, 2013 9:14 pm

Mesk's and KnoutOut's posts happened.

Unfortunately, it seems the lolicats left an easy password to get in the ASTROCOCK. A few were ... ridiculously too forgetful.

Meanwhile, John Flashman runs some corridors inside the ASTROCOCK and easily destroy some of the security systems inside it with slick gunslinger moves along with explosive anti-armored ammo.

As he progress, he hides from some lolicats guards that were searching for an intruder. He notices one of them delicately touches her ear. With intuition, he found out a potential weakness of the lolicats.

Due to the size of the gigantic ship and being way too far to close in to the bridge, John Flashman decides he has another option : to reach the engine room. If he can heroically blow up the engines, he might just save the day if he cannot find the mastermind who ever it is.

Then John Flashman facepalm as he realizes he doesn't even know who is the mastermind before doing all this. His unsatisfiable lust of adventure and danger made him forget to check it out. Now, it's far too late while being deep into enemy territory.

John Flashman sighs and moves on to the engine room as he stealthy avoids the lolicats guards ... at least so far. Since he doesn't know where it is either, he is going into a lot of random rooms.

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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby IskatuMesk » Tue Oct 01, 2013 9:35 pm

Energy hummed around the ship as the jump drives activated. The thunder of raw power. Indeed, the ASTROCOCK was merely a funnel for this power. The power of the Philosopher's Bone. For, deep within the unusually constructed world of Chair, the ancient aliens had sealed away this unusual artifact - the heart of the ASTROCOCK's immense power structure.

The seal was fairly obvious once found, but the skills necessary to unlock its secrets had taken Professor Snape many lifetimes to master. Indeed, while his library of wisdom had revealed to him the world's position aeons ahead of time, travel to its locale would have been meaningless without the skills to make use of it.

So many pieces, each more diligently processed than the last. The task seemed insurmountable, but Snape was a patient man, even if it had taken this long to get to the final stages.

Even the ASTROCOCK and the Philosopher's Bone themselves were merely tiny, forgettable pieces. But every piece had served a purpose, and the mere awakening of the ASTROCOCK had been the entire point. The ASTROCOCK was a dangerous machine of immense capabilities, but it alone was insufficient to expand The Gate.

Snape's eyes casually scanned displays surrounding him. Businessmen in unremarkable mass-produced suits. Burly men in processed fabrics and metals. Catgirls in fabricated suits of assorted natures. Weapons, electronics, framings and auxiliary power units - each to come from a production line, a systematic, democratic society of gears and mechanisms each intended to serve a single purpose. A machine whose existence was meaningless yet essential, whose each individual component was selfless, absolved of responsibility yet absorbed by dependency.

The doe-eyed masses of the world bellow flooded into Apple fronts. Money exchanged hands, as did cheap Chinese products. Edges rounded, upgraded to being waterproofed with the addition of iOS7. Incapable of processing anything meaningful, of course, but such was the way with all produce. Casuals wanted them just because they were more expensive than other products. That was the sole reason. After all, Snape's associates weren't about to produce something that actually had any true qualities about it - this wasn't what the people wanted. They knew what the people wanted because they simply told people what they wanted, and so they wanted it.

This was the truth of mortal life, and the key behind the system's ignition. For every will lost to the will of its own self-destruction, the Gate expanded. Willfully, fanatically even, the world hurled itself into his arms. So eager to throw away their possessions, their beliefs, their individuality. Conformity, unity, absolution. So beautiful was the machine that needed no engineer, no conductor. A machine whose components worked willfully of their own desires, each of infinite potential and purpose, each marching forward without so much as a command. The universe willed it to be so, and so it was. Why else would it have bred such creatures, if not to service the components of its own eternal will? What purpose did these entities serve, if not the roads between the breaths of Creation's desires?

Snape could hear the breath of the universe. The sticky, hair breaths of neckbeards salivating over their apple products as they stared into their cheap frames, lost in emotion. Their genetic memories, those of their equally mentally inept ancestors, stirred within them. This was natural to them. The world flowed in conformity. Harmony. All Professor Snape had done was allow that conformity and harmony to sing together, to unify in one single motion of pure thought.

Yes. It wouldn't be long, now...
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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby KnoutOut » Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:22 pm

meanwhile, russians are flooding into the landing bay and are engaged in a fierce fight with the lollicats. The lollis use the latest hightech weaponry to fend off the invaders, but the russians manage to advance with the strength of sheer numbers and their ak-47s, that were cleverly hidden as neon-protest signs. The landing bay is now under control of the communists and they direct their forces into various sections of the ASTROCOCK.

The HORN has landed now. A hatch opens, a small catwalk is moving out with it. The man exits and finds himself inmidst the chaos of the russians, that are setting up ammo stockpiles and hauling around strange devices. A communist points his finger at him and waves him over. His gesture indicates that he is irritated. As he approaches him, the russian utters the following (in russian):

"By goat urine, how the hell you got here!? Why do not you wear any clothes you disgusting pig?! But you really helped us get here, so I'll give you a weapon. Serve Mother Russia, well, or I'll shoot you in the ass!!"

He roughly pushes a weapon onto his chest and goes back to managing the invasion.

The man however has his own plan. He must find the bridge and figure out the controls to fly the ship into the sun and destroy it. He sets off to explore the ship, there is blood everywhere, shots are fired all over the place and it is pretty cold. The mission has begun!

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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby Ricky_Honejasi » Wed Oct 02, 2013 6:52 pm

Mesk's and KnoutOut's posts happened.

Btw KnoutOut, you might want to name any character of real importance in the story so other players can clearly direct actions against them if necessary.

And thus John Flashman moves on like an unlikely master ninja and actually reach what should be the bridge room.

At first, he was confused as nothing is what he would expect. The very alien materials would be potentially too dangerous to just immediately bomb and run. After all, he doesn't have a ticket back if he is too successful.

John decides to act like a TV hero and just poke everything hoping to accomplish anything. Nothing seems to be happening until he cares for no good logical reason for a specific piece as he just did for all previous other pieces.

It is the Philosopher's Bone, whatever the immediate reaction, it doesn't seem to have any grave consequence. John Flashman is simply too much of a true man to simply fall prey at the first potential and deadly mystery of the Philosopher's Bone.

However, the Philosopher's Bone might have other surprises ...

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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby IskatuMesk » Wed Oct 02, 2013 8:21 pm

Professor Snape was studying a clock in the bridge.

"Sir, there appears to be a gaggle of unsavory characters in one of our docks," Edward was saying. Of course, managing all of the ship's many orifices was troublesome. After all, the ASTROCOCK was less a fortress and more a superweapon the Ancient Aliens had built for specific purposes.

"Decompress that section," Snape offered. At about this moment, he felt a tingle in the air around him. No, it was not the body odor of a thousand handsome men. It was something... different. Were he uneducated and inexperienced in the ventures he had taken part in for so many years, he'd be inclined to wave it off as non-important. But, indeed, this fluctuation in the motionspace was very important.

"There is someone else in the ship, near The Source," Snape commented. Edward blinked once.

"What?"

Snape contemplated intervention. If someone had found The Source, they were no ordinary picketer like those harmless rabble elsewhere within the ship. They'd run around for days, possibly weeks, before finding anything of true value. And, after all, Snape's elite crew defended anything of real value. So long as these nameless were distracted with frivolities of the ASTROCOCK itself, they'd remain oblivious to the real world.

However, if someone managed to disrupt the Philosopher's Bone, the ship would lose gravitational control. The planet below them would be dragged out of orbit and slam into the ASTROCOCK, surely killing every living thing on its surface. The hardness of the ASTROCOCK granted it supernatural density, more than enough to snatch such objects out of their existing orbits. The Philosopher's Bone was necessary to control such immense girth. Of course, the ASTROCOCK wouldn't be harmed by such an ordeal, after all, it was forged by the DARK VOICE specifically to penetrate. But Snape couldn't allow all those souls he had invested into simply vanish. It would be... an unfortunate setback.

To approach the Philosopher's Bone in the first place, an individual had to roll a nearly impossibly high Charisma roll. It produces an aura of Belgian boy spice that was incredibly alluring and could easily hypnotize a normal man, even a manly man. That is why such areas were not guarded as heavily. On top of it, the Philosopher's Bone existed in multiple places at once and yet no place at once, it was a spatial clusterfuck all in itself. Such was the difficulty in Snape's acquiring of it in the first place. He needed a very special spell to bring it to a single place...

But Snape could never discount the resourcefulness of the Unlikely Hero. A class of foe that often appeared in his previous lives. They had been responsible for countless setbacks and annoyances throughout his many schemes. Now, however, Snape did not feel that even the most high level of Unlikely Hero could disrupt his plans. Even so... he wanted revenge.

Being impossibly rich and having exceedingly powerful Charisma and Bartering skills of his own, Snape was privy to the most powerful mercenaries in the sector. Of them, only the smallest minority possessed Charisma stats high enough to survive adjacency to the Philosopher's Bone. Thankfully for him, a few of them were also natural counters to the Unlikely Hero. At best, it would be an even roll left to luck, due to some of the more annoying talents within the skill tree of these opponents.

Slight smile crept across Snape's otherwise unemotional gaze.

"Send in... the Prom King."
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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby mark_009_vn » Fri Oct 04, 2013 8:50 pm

Observing all the chaos above, Chair Aznable can only silently watch the events unfolding around the ASTROCOCK.


"So it has finally begun... The final hour."

Chair knows he does not need to participate in this epic battle, for his plans required him to patiently wait until the optimal moment...


"Professor Snape was foolhardy to dock the ASTROCOCK so close to Earth..."

"...He should have known the people of Earth do not tolerate his evils..."


And as he spit out these words, Chair slowly sips some of his BLACK coffee, which is still hot from the foundry...



The taste of coffee was as bitter as the taste of his earlier defeats, but he knows his grudge meant nothing now... For he has missed the golden chance to seize the ASTROCOCK for himself... And in light of these defeat... Chair ponders the fate of his "master".


"But I do wonder..."

"...What are you planning on doing now, Mark_009_vn?"



---


The surroundings was morbid and dark, no movement can be observed, no signs of activity can be heard...

This is the state of this chamber just moments before...


"So... Can anyone just tell me what the shit is going on...?"

But this state of tranquility was broken by this voice... It is the voice of a man, a haft-blooded chinaman, slowly and calmly asking his lackeys...



"Komrade onii-sama, our attempt to retake the ASTROCOCK is going smoothly..."

The respond to his statement was as uninformative as the statement itself... and it came from the person beside him...



"Really... Then what is the current death toll...?"

But the man, the haft-chinaman known by his alias as Mark_009_vn did not take that answer so well... He was angered by such a flawed remark from his right hand man...


"..."


And the lackey of this man can only keep silent, for he knew his superior has seen through his words...



"You see... That is just about great... Even from here, I can already see over a thousand of our Russian komrade-kun floating hopelessly in vacuum..."

Mark_009_vn can only signed frustratingly at such sight... In where he stand, the prideful bridge of Uncle Ho's lost slipper, he can only felt dread while on board this prized machination of Communism. And in that moment of anger and grudge, he looked back to the lackey of his.

"...And the force of cosmonauts that disappeared for no reason... Where did they go..."



"...Brazil sir..."



Mark seems surprised for a moment, he though maybe this is just an elaborate attempt to troll him... but then he remembered the capability of the ASTROCOCK...

And with that he looked back to the sight of the ASTROCOCK, with thousands of foreign human bodies floating around it... He signed frustratingly once again...

"...We just lost over haft of our doctrine in 69 seconds... Even with my macrohard skills, this is unsustainable losses..."

"..."


But in this moment of despair, may even be hopeless. Mark still have a hidden ace... An ace he can use to turn the tide of the battle.

He left out a smile as he slowly reveals his plans...

"...So... To compensate for all the red shirts... I mean Red Guards who have sacrificed themselves for instrumentality... If only we have a trump card to boaster our chances right...?"

"You don't mean..."


The smile of his went bigger... wider... Even wider than the ever expanding horizon.

"Yes, Kapitan Koch, unleash the SHAFT."

And the smile went WIDER.... Wide enough to shatter the Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere to tiny little pieces, while setting Sunrise on fire.

But Mark_009_vn did not care for that anime, as he felt it was an acceptable loss...



"But we haven't mastered the SHAFT yet... SHAFT is currently so unstable, anyone near it will be incinerated by it's absolute mindfuck...!"

His lackey protested against his words... because for him the Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere is the sacred ways of the Goa-Tse-Do, and expanding the Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere shall be the forever wish of Goa-Tse himself...

If one is to appose the will of Goa-Tse, left alone destroying his hopes and dreams by shattering his secret stash of Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere hentai doujinshi... That person will no doubt be smite by the ferocity of God.



"Then I will master the shaft that is SHAFT..."

But Mark_009_vn did not fear Goa-Tse's curse. He knows to master one's SHAFT, to master one's destiny, one must expand his horizon well... And Mark_009_vn have found a way to expand his rings like never before...



He has forged a machine from the bowels of his own anus, a war device used by one to exceed even the skills of Goa-Tse himself... Locked deep inside the basement in the Shinigami district, among the smell of rice and fermented lolies, the ends of all things... Is this dreaded machine, a machine forged from the will of fast expansion...



"I shall be the first man to utilize the successor to the 3D man-neuver gear..."

"...!"

"The Goa-Tse man-neuvering gear."



Normally, humans are limited to 2 Dimensional expansion of their ring, so the capacity to expand once ring is limited by how oval the ring will be. But the Goa-Tse man-neuvering gear allows for 3 Dimensional expansion of their ring, allows for maximum rounded edges at unlimited size...

With it... Mark_009_vn truly believe he can master the SHAFT.



"But sir..."

"Don't worry Kapitän Koch... Simply focus on guiding the ship away from the effect of the SHAFT... We do not want more casualties to the expendables..."

And just like that, Mark_009_vn heads out to space in his Red Guard shirt. It is a red shirt like no other, made from pure elemental red extracted from the blood of God. He is uncertain how the shirt will protect him, as all those who have worn this shirt either ended up in Bill Ropar's gullet or the basement... But he know he must not backed down this moment.



"Descents the SHAFT downward! Tonies... Master your destiny!..."

A thousand of Ki-64 Tonies swoop downward to support him, they bring with them SHAFT, still fresh with the remains of it's last owner...

SHAFT is quite unremarkable... Nothing more than a giant office brandishing interns and anime directors from the ages... The logo embedded to it is nothing more than a giant banner written "SHAFT", all in italics, as in to captivate casuals it's one and only purpose: A rod to end all rods. A shaft to master all shafts. The grandest boner in the history boner kind.



"I will not falter in the face of disorder..."

Mark_009_vn middle finger suddenly rises in the direction of the ASTROCOCK, as if a method to calculate the distance and speed of the target. The SHAFT beside him looks hungry for virgin blood, but Mark must be patient in order to guide SHAFT.



"I will not cum to fear nor doubt"

A giant control panel opens up in the side of the SHAFT. His middle finger then moves at interstellar speed, hitting keys left and right in a swift moment... It is the ways of macrohard, for Mark_009_vn is a god in spamming APM, he is executing a command that will sync both his Goa-Tse man-neuvering gear with the SHAFT.

...The command of 13 Command Center fast expansion.



"I will not yield to the semen of old worlds"

To expand one's ring, one must expand one's horizon. To expand one's horizon, one must expand to his natural. To expand to one's natural,there is no method of expansion more expansive than 13 Command Center fast expand....

SHAFT glows in full technicolor might as the horizon has been expanded. The Goa-Tse man-neuvering gear no doubt has aided him in expanding to his natural, SHAFT as well as Mark suddenly moves at incredible speeds toward the ASTROCOCK. The economy boost from 13 CC FE has allowed SHAFT to tech up left and right, soon Mark will be able to make another expansion.




"I will smash the undies of terror..!"

And expand he shall... as if the only thing Mark did in his entire life as a Communist is to make countless Command Centers, he has expanded so well that there is no place left to expand... If he continues this expansion, not only will the Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere be shattered, but all of Creation as well...




"I will tear each day... from the anals of destruction!"

But the Goa-Tse man-neuvering gear cannot keep up with this constant expansion, or this speed, or this ferocity. It began to crack as it slowly running out of gas.... It began to falter under the will of SHAFT. But Mark_009_vn did not stop his expansive crusade.



"Though I stand alone... Alone I stand"

"For I stand in the light of a black man..."

The Goa-Tse man-neuvering gear broke to a thousand pieces... Flinging Mark billions of miles into space, ramming directly to the ASTROCOCK.



"Just... as... planned..."



Miraculously, Mark ended up right inside the hangars of the ASTROCOCK, where the last remaining Russian komrade-kuns of his were retreating...

"Now... I have made it onboard... It's time to take this ship and colony drop it into Earth."



SHAFT continued to head toward the ASTROCOCK. Closer and closer... Soon, the impact will be inevitable.

"One way or another, ASTROCOCK will collide to Earth to bring an end to all Capitalism underneath..."

"One way or another... We shall achieve communism through instrumentality."
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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby Ricky_Honejasi » Mon Oct 07, 2013 7:11 pm

Mesk and Mark's essentially posts happened.

The decompression in the ASTROCOCK's hangars essentially killed most Russians and floating into the cold space. Among the few survivors, there is a nobody-looking one that is currently trying to find the bridge.

After the vast majority of intruders were eliminated, it recompressed. Chair Aznable used the SHAFT to go inside the hangars then ran further to avoid the compression chambers and to find all the surviving Russians except that "heroic" one.

Then the SHAFT goes on by itself and is on a collision course against the ASTROCOCK itself.


Meanwhile, back in the engine room ...

As John Flashman tries to figure out the contraception that is the Philosopher's Bone, someone enters.

He looks like a really attractive young college guy. He wears a white suit, a tophat and has a cane.

It is the Prom King. However, he introduce himself by dancing some menacing-looking moves as a prelude for potential murder. John Flashman knew that a battle was inevitable.

"We will fight it like true men!" exclaims John Flashman.

He then throws a gadget in the air and it seperates itself. Multiple lights of many colors comes out of the various pieces ... it is disco balls. Finally, disco music also comes out of them.

The battle will be on a dancing floor. It is more to the Prom King's likening as he expected murder with his evasive yet flashing dancing moves.

Both start to dance as to try to outdo each other in every method possible. It is a true survival to the fittest. It includes impressing the other into defeat, outlasting until their last drop of breath, outflashing the other into fatally bruising one's ego, executing a rare special dance the other one can't mimic and the list goes on. All while not failing to follow the music's rhythm.

As the disco balls changes smoothly change from one music to music, as the Prom King and Josh Flashman continue to dance with neither having a clear advantage over another.

As it goes on, music genres changes from Pop, Jazz, Rock and Roll, Classical, Country and countless ones over the hours with both contestants easily adapting their dancing. It went over 3 hours. So much manly sweat. The floor is hopeless to be stained by it.

Josh Flashman clearly underestimated the Prom King as he was no normal dancer at all, he hoped that one of his dances will do the trick only for the Prom King to either dance the equivalent or manage to mimic specific dancing moves that would take years for the normal mortal. Worse, the Prom King manage to force the Josh Flashman into mimicking some of his own dances.

As Josh Flashman's stamina starts to be depleted, he had to pull his ultimate ace ... the one to end them all.

Josh Flashman jumps insanely high, do multiple quick yet special dances in mid-air then land in a split without noticeable groin pain. Soon after he lands, he savagely rips the front of his jacket and makes the most manly face expression.

That MANLY chest hair!

A lot of sweat drips down from the tip of his chest hair as the testament of the cruelly of this battle. The unleashed charm of this final move goes beyond gender and orientation and even biologically or machinery.

Somehow, the disco machine pieces reflect all of their light on John Flashman leaving none for the Prom King. Even unlit room lights proper to the ASTROCOCK also lit up and points on him.

Even the Prom King was forced to stop during his latest dance to enjoy the full splendor in front of him.

This ... is the ultimate proof of his charisma.

Thus the Prom King gracefully bow to honor John Flashman's victory then leaves the room. The Prom King knows he has much more to learn in his ways.

It was a very close victory for Josh Flashman. He was very, very tired. Perhaps he should have done a normal bloody battle instead. However, his ego wanted to outdo the Prom King on his own turf.

As soon Josh Flashman believes the Prom King is far away, he push his hand on his mouth and yells out of intense camouflaged pain ... he was able to mentally hold out the insane groin pain from the landing and now he has to get it out while avoiding the Prom King to hear it.

Meanwhile the Prom King had a smile while leaving despite his apparent defeat. He knew that he has weakened Josh Flashman all while avoiding a single scratch. Ultimately, he felt that it was a victory to his master in the grand scheme of all things.

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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby IskatuMesk » Tue Oct 08, 2013 2:30 am

"The majority of the picketers have been dispersed," Edward calmly noted. Snape nodded slightly.

"Alas, not all of them. It also seems the Prom King was not quite able to defeat the other intruder."

"No, I suspected not," Snape added. "However, he is but one in a long line of potentials-"

"The hell?" Edward tapped keys on a display in a sudden burst of activity. "Sir, there's yet another object approaching us. Long-distance warp sensors are tracking it. It appears to be... a shaft."

Snape's eyes drifted to the main display. The object reeked of a man he'd already disposed of. Some fools just didn't know when to quit.

"The holy armor provided to us by the most honest of bibble bumpers should provide ample defense, though this object is unlikely to penetrate even the most external of armor. Nonetheless, our campaign is nearly over. Simply move out of it's path," Snape offered. Edward nodded. Snape considered the worst possible event - a penetrating impact. In truth, he was not concerned of the fate of the Ancient Alien's supreme weapon. Its purpose... had already been served. The possibility of the SHAFT or another object causing incidental destruction of the planet below was significantly more concerning. He had to bide his time and play host to these nameless twats for a little while longer.

But the amount of attention he had already acquired from his public veil had been considerably more than he had expected. A fruitful venture indeed. He could barely contain a smirk, studying the various displays as the ASTROCOCK began to move around, aiming to position itself so that an enormous Kentucky station was between it and the SHAFT. Even if the SHAFT was able to penetrate the Kentucky station, it would be covered in slick chicken grease.

"Edward, inform the crew to prepare themselves for the Zero Hour protocol. Not yet, of course, but get those machines brewing," Snape commented. Edward saluted in response.

"Today shall be a glorious day to dine. Oh, and while you're at it, decompress all of the major sectors and seal off those picketers from any mentionable areas. Have our crew pull back to their battlestations and arm themselves appropriately. And, do tend to our hero in the drive room, yes? Perhaps some aerosol chloroform will calm his tits."
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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby mark_009_vn » Tue Oct 08, 2013 9:53 pm

"The ASTROCOCK is changing it's course..!"

A chinamen spoke out loud.. this person stood deep inside the tallest tower of the office, a shaft-like cooperation known as SHAFT. The bald man beside him was quick to respond.

"Our new headings will no doubt lead us to a collision course for Kentucky station!"

"This will be the biggest product displacement mishap ever since Morning Rescue... We need to take invasive maneuvers..."



There was panic all around SHAFT, as if the ends of the world is upon them... The office suddenly turned into nothing more than a death trap for interns and anime directors all over the ages... Even Akiyuki Shinbo can only add to the confusion.


"We should have just gone wider..."

"WIDER..."


It is these words which made the interns shed manly tears, for it has made them realized the mistakes they made long ago... Such a simple mistake really, if SHAFT had gone wider... maybe this event might now have struck down the likes of them...

Even so, amidst the confusion and despair... The leading intern, the manner of SHAFT, the employer of the decade, he wanted order to return to the office immediately !

"There is no time for that... We need to devise a plan. If SHAFT is to fall today, we won't go down without a bloody fight..."



But no matter how attractive, how directive, how effective, how ERECTIVE his words are... They all went to deaf ears to the rest of the crews... The sense of fear was just too much for a ball boy to compensate.

"...No matter were we go we will all be doomed. We shouldn't have signed the contract with that communist in the first place..."

"But the product placement opportunity... It was such a lucrative contract..."

"Everything is money with you..!"

And chaos run amok SHAFT once again... Every bald man of the office plead the Gods to come to his aid... Every cries for help turned down abruptly...Every corner of the office was filled with manly tears... Every buckets of manly tears went down the drain...


All was hopeless...



"Calm down... Everyone man your station!.. I will find a way to escape our horrifying fate."

But in the light of every desperate circumstances, in the bowls of every complicated circumcises, the manner of SHAFT always have in him a flare of hope, for hope is all he had... He tried again and again to calm his fellow interns, ever so authoritative his words become, ever so man the man become...



But it seems this act of command was no longer needed.

"Wait... What is that? Something is ERECTING from the ASTROCOCK!"

Suddenly, the bald man pointed out the discrepancy... It seems like a secrit message was sent by Mark_009_vn while he is busy aboard the ASTROCOCK... Using the power of his powerful Cock-tail, he has erected from his own body a beacon like never before... A rainbow of light emerges from the groin of the haft-blooded chinamen... The light showers the heavens the imagery of the Cock-tail's Cock, a majestic rod embellished in golden feathers, ruby scales, and crimson crystals was shown to the eyes of mortals below...

Such a sight captivates the crew of SHAFT, this irresistible sense of pure beauty bring joy and hope to the crew of the office... And so peace was restored to the lands, and the interns stop excreting a whole reservoir of their own tears...

"Ah!"


Even so, there are skeptics in the ranks of SHAFT, a bald man exclaims in surprise, as he is a non believer in the legends of the Cock-tail, he do not understand it's implication.

"What was that all about..?"



But the manner of SHAFT, the great employer of the month, he can clearly read the intentions of the Cock-tail... He can clearly read the points given by the haft blooded Chinese communist. And so, he is quick to command his man to do what the Cock implies...

"That is our cue. Quick, charge the secret weapon!"

The interns, filled with hope and make-believe, rushes hastily to the grand finale device of the SHAFT... A secretive, last resort weapon for the interns of the office...


This machine is no more than a giant human cannonball, several hundreds of kilometers in length. The goal of this doo-hickey thingy simply is to launch forward millions of interns to their sacrificial death. In order to save a handful of big bads on top of the office... For the normal intern, the nature of such action seems foolish to attempt, but for the children of SHAFT, pridefully called themselves as ZAFTs, this is a mere investment for the future of the company...


But the bald man seems hesitant to execute the command, he questioned the manner of SHAFT the nature of his actions.

"Then... What about our escape? Do you know what you are putting us through?"

The manner of SHAFT however... He seems unpersuasive.

"That is our escape..."


"Are you crazy? The moment ZAFTs made any contact with the ASTROCOCK, we will be engulfed by it's effects..!"

Indeed, ZAFTs, embellished in them the trust in mind altering substances... Their substances are so fatal to mortal kind, it's effects can disrupt The Force, causing it to turn into a pile of extruded polygons... Such cataclysm will create an AOE effect that will instantly fuse the minds of all mortals to one.


"But if we survived... The ASTROCOCK will looses most of it's MAN-POWER... surely."

And this is the plan for SHAFT to not simply defeat the ASTROCOCK, but also to ensure the survival of SHAFT itself...

"... With the sheer, irresistible power of SHAFT, the ASTROCOCK will be sucked in by the force of SHAFT's relativity and set it into a collision course with the office..."


"Then, this forcefull method of cooperation merging will be complete..!"

"..."


"Quickly... Sends the ZAFT downward..."

And like so... ZAFTs, in the millions, billions, trillions, quazillion, were launched en masse in the direction of the ASTROCOCK. The mass of flesh, sweat, and narcotics all formed into the shape of a giant Zaku, guided by the light of the Cock-tail to the ASTROCOCK...



---



"Ah... magnificent..."

Mark_009_vn gave compliments to the power of the Cock-tail... He is standing firmly inside the ASTROCOCK, the rag tag flock of Russians beside him, hands brandishing machetes and Arisakas, cheered to the sight of such a rod.

"Let's test the power of the ASTROCOCK... Let's test it to no end..."

"The point of impact between either ZAFT or SHAFT will be the end of every Capitalists... With the threat of Earth being destroyed, humanity will have no choice but to be assimilated by Communist through instrumentality..."



But behind these merry men, lies Chair Aznable who appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

"All is well... Isn't it?" - Chair asked the unsuspecting Mark_009_vn.


"What? Why are YOU here...?"

"Aren't you supposed to be back on Earth?"

Mark was clearly surprised by Chair's sudden appearance, as there is no way can he boarded this ship all the way from the surface of Earth...


"The French God sent me here..." - Chair bluntly answered his inquiry.


"He... He mistook my instructions yet again...?"

"Yes... You were supposed to be the person to guide the SHAFT... Then descended down the hangars in the most provocative of ways..."

"...But the French God mistook that very person for me..."

Mark was outraged by this, for the French God to once again interfered with his haft-assed and confusing writing in this thread... He was deeply enraged...



"Damn... That son of a bitch..."

"Fine fine... what ever... Just come along with me then... I need an ally at this point anyway..."

Mark asked Chair for his assistance... But much to his dismay, Chair was much unwilling.



"Who told you that I will be your ally."

"What?"

"You are... betraying me?"



"The time has come to that end. Yes... I am no longer following your malicious words."

Suddenly, the Russians, hands brandishing machetes and Arisakas, pointed upwards to Chair... They are willing to tear Chair several new assholes, as for a Russian, tearing new assholes is what they do best...


"You dare to challenge me and the power of Uncle Ho's lost slipper?"

But Mark quickly decline his men's intention to sexually assault Chair with their weapons... He felt it is dangerous to attempt such a thing to this black man without protection...



"You thought of nothing more than your own foolish ideals... You thought of nothing more than to bend the wills of others around you... I am sick of you treachery."

"I will bring anew Capitalism, not to eradicate it... Seek to a nice dress Mark_009_vn, as tonight you will dine in hell..."

And in a flash, Chair smashed the walls of the ASTROCOCK before escaping into space... Even with the lucrative firepower of the Russians, they cannot slay this black man until his escape.

Chair disappeared in a blink of an eye... never to be seen again...



"So... Chair is no longer in my command..."

"...This is really bad news..."

The Russians, seems troubled, confused, and dissatisfied, started questioning Mark one by one.

"Komandant. What will we do now? Mother Russia would be most troubled by this plot twist..."

"No need to worry... We only need one instrument left to our plight."

"What is it komrade?"



"...Send in the loli tank brigade..."

"...The Pravda..."
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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby Ricky_Honejasi » Mon Oct 14, 2013 8:54 pm

Sorry for the long delay again.

Both Mesk's and Mark's posts essentially happened.

The SHAFT perforated the Kentucky Station and was stuck in it. The station was pushed toward the ASTROCOCK due to the impact but far from being a real danger to it.

Way too many ZAFTs were launched at the ASTROCOCK.

Alas, the holy armor couldn't perfectly protect against such ungodly numbers of them. The last 5% started to splash against the standard armor of the ASTROCOCK leaving the whole front of the ASTROCOCK in the dishonorable red blood of interns. The last 1% managed to do some piercing damage into the ASTROCOCK and hit quite a few internal systems.

Fortunately, the ASTROCOCK has nano-bots repairing the external damage but it will take some time before repairing the internal ones as well. The ASTROCOCK already somewhat slows down due to it.

The dirtiness of the countless interns has reduced the holiness of the armor into nothingless leaving the ASTROCOCK back into its former armor.

Meanwhile, Chair disappears into space but is he truly gone for good?

Mark calls in the The Pravda, which is the loli tank brigade which somehow fly in space.

As for John Flashman, he has a feeling that he is in immediate but unrecognizable danger thus flees outside of the engine room and away from it. The released aerosol chloroform slowly make the nearby rooms unbreathable.

John Flashman runs to a relatively safe yet unknown area and ponders for his next move. Meanwhile, anything could still happen. All this dancing and then a sudden marathon run does start to take a very serious toll.

He even start to feel a bit sleepy in the mist of all this. In fact, he actually falls asleep in enemy territory.

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Re: The Random Adventures!

Postby IskatuMesk » Mon Oct 14, 2013 9:36 pm

"Report," Snape comments, nearly absently amongst the ruckus of crew moving from station to station.

"It appears that the SHAFT utilized its crew as a secondary weapon. While the SHAFT itself was defeated by the KFC outlet, the interns splattered against His Greasiness' holy armor. Much of the armor has been destroyed. Most of the ANCIENT ARMOR sectors are reporting functional, but it is clear some sectors received heavier damage. Also, it seems that there are tanks flying in space, closing in on our position."

"What a shame," Snape shrugged. Edward blinked once.

"What?"

"Nothing," Snape sighed briefly. Indeed, all of those interns would have made for an excellent soul banquet. Even though an intern possesses, at best, a tiny fragment of a soul, the sheer number of them would have made for an excellent feast. However, two potential targets remained at large - the SHAFT itself, and the next wave of assailants.

Snape did not care for the alignment or cause of these wayward bandits. They had all drawn themselves to the edge of the infinite Gap, and it would be here they would surrender themselves to him.

"Sir, it won't be long before the tanks are in range of our conventional weapons."

Of course, the ASTROCOCK was a weapon. That is, a singular weapon. It was the genetically enhanced crew of its expendables and the burly men of oily lands that had to prepare it for service in other uses. Alas, such was the nature of the job. It had worked thus far. But, no. These weapons were highly specialized, and wasting them now would be truly foolish. Especially when Snape had a few aces left to play.

"Engage lockdown procedure," Snape commanded. Edward hesitated.

"Y-yessir. I'll send out... the secret signal."

Crew scurried left and right as Snape rose his wand from his suit. As a coded beep went through the ship's coms, a signal only his crew knew of, lolis and riggers alike reached for their pockets. Within them, vials of chloroform. For only the sleeping would be spared... the Sailor's Lullaby. A song of such beauty and potency that it would drag men to their doom in eras of old, wielded by sirens and capitalists alike to suck the souls from mortals.

Yes. The currency of success was indeed souls. And for so many bright and willing souls to be on his doorstep, Snape could taste the feast at his fingertips. Doors and hatches in the ASTROCOCK sealed shut. Defenses reinforced. And the crew temporarily slept into a deep slumber. Coms opened across the vicinity, piercing subspace networks and units conveniently containing backdoor code implanted by the companies that created them. For, indeed, a Capitalist's best weapon is his opponent's reliance on his gear.

Like a flesh flute, Snape played the haunting song from his wand. A melody of shifting tones that carried a penetrating potency behind every note. All who heard it would have to roll a dangerous constitution save. Carried by the wind and by the radiowave, its area of effect was greatly intensified.

The trap had been sprung.
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Warning: dialogue contains politically incorrect content. Viewer rearsore may occur.


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