Crystalmourn, The Exalted Arm of Angels
Meanwhile, in a parallel DF universe...

A ragged band of 7 dwarven peasants are sent out from the Mountainhomes into the harsh wilderness, exiled from their home. They have brought few supplies with them, and have nothing in their future except a long and desperate struggle against the forces of nature.

Yet, there is hope: for if they should persevere, they may raise a mighty fortress, testimony to the dwarves' legendary construction skills. A fortress grand enough to cause all stunted rapists goblins and tree-hugging faggots elves who gaze upon it to cower in fear.

Let it begin.
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DF - And you thought I was dead!

Permanent Linkby AngelSpirit on Fri Dec 23, 2011 12:16 pm

Or something.

With the holidays all out, I'll have some free time for DF. Not as much as I used to, but I should be able to go at one update per week. Now, let's get this <insert dwarven automobile> rolling!

Year 260, Iforgotwhatmonthitis (Spring)
Ahhh, the smell of spring. Flowers, butterflies, and dead merchants.

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The dead merchant's corpse is still rotting away. The horse corpses emit the occasional miasma cloud, but are otherwise inert. Also, another of the merchants died of thirst, though for some reason none of the guards are anywhere close to dead yet. Not thirsty or hungry at all.

Unfortunately, it appears that all the mean that the merchants brought has rotted away, leaving us with fewer food supplies than expected. Oh well.

With all the remaining merchants and their pack horses dead, I cautiously order the wall to be taken down. Fortunately, it seems the guards don't mind the death of their comrades, and they walk away without glancing back, leaving the merchants' goods out in the open.

However, miasma breaks out JUST as HelpMe, along with several dwarves with nothing better to do, run over to loot the piles of goods.
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Shortly after, the dwarves are all complaining about having to walk through the miasma. Apparently seeing dead things makes them miserable. What a bunch of goddamn pansies.

Also, while browsing around, I notice a yellow bag in the storage. Curious as to what kind of items would cause a bag to be yellow, I took a peek inside..
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WELL, HERP DERP
You know, this is why we can't have nice things.


20th Timber(?)
I knew I shouldn't have put Jim_Raynor's bed next to High_Zealot's.
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Well then. I hope the enlisted men don't mind High_Zealot's carrying her new daughter to the barracks and breastfeeding it while they're training. More importantly however, I hope High_Zealot isn't stupid enough to carry his (her?) baby into open combat, since I suspect the goblins will be giving us a call soon.

Hey High_Zealot and Jim_Raynor, what do you want to name your newborn daughter?

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Oh great, another excuse for the dwarves to slack off. The last thing we need now is a lack of labor. There's two z-levels' worth of stone to be cleared out, you lazy sods!

Oh well. If nothing else, I guess it'll help get the dwarves' mind off the miasma engulfing the trade depot.

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Wait, what?

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Elves, huh? After the boatloads and boatloads of nothing but reed cloth that the elves gave me last time, I sincerely hope that they'll give me some better loot this time around. If not, then well...

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..I have this lovely little trap prepared. Also, hi Jack.

HelpMe runs over to the trade depot and calmly sits down at the negotiation table. The elves quickly unload their goods, and proffer them to him...
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FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

You know what, fuck this.

Knowing full well what will happen, I order a freshly cut wooden log to be brought to the trade depot and shown to the elves.

As soon as I hit the "Offer" button, the elves quickly become enraged, and begin loading up their goods back into their caravans. Quick lads, trap them in! I order the wall to be completed to fence the elves in.

....Nothing happens.

The elves quickly finish loading their goods, and depart from the depot unhindered.

...

Okay, Taeradun better have a good excuse, or else-
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Oh Christ.

The goblin thief makes a mad dash for the fortress entrance. He runs through the barracks, in the process disrupting Jack, High_Zealot, and Shadowflare. The three of them tackle the thief, but he's too fast. The thief escapes the fortress with a bruised left lower leg.

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Hell, that took long enough.

Well, thanks to the lazyness of a certain mason, the elven caravan escaped. I suspect that they'll be back in some time, to lay siege to our little fortress. I'd have Taeradun drawn and quartered if we didn't need all the hard labor we can get right now.

Next time, I'll look at clearing the still-lingering clouds of miasma from the trade depot, as well as tightening up our defenses in case of future invasions, goblin or elven.

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Re: DF - And you thought I was dead!

Permanent Linkby High_Zealot on Fri Dec 23, 2011 1:07 pm

I shall name her Meatshield! But seriously how about High Raynor though dwarves in the militia only have babies to act as shields and possibly so head piecing punches. Also, beds have nothing to do with reproduction, its obviously the work of spores!
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Re: DF - And you thought I was dead!

Permanent Linkby IskatuMesk on Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:49 pm

Horses reproduce through spores, after all.
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Warning: dialogue contains politically incorrect content. Viewer rearsore may occur.
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Re: DF - And you thought I was dead!

Permanent Linkby Jim_Raynor on Wed Dec 28, 2011 6:55 pm

meatshield sounds good to me
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